Speaking of Familiar, how about a Summer Box Office Hit that manages to be equal parts The Matrix and Dreamscape (without old "Jerry Horne" turning into a claymation Cobra-Man).
I guess this one answers the question of "What would you do if you were the director of The Dark Knight?" with a big "ANYTHING YOU WANT!"
The good news is that this next flick, Inception, for all its indulgence and borrowed themes, manages to be a pretty gosh darned good film with the smarts to back it up. At least that's the idea that was planted in my brain while watching it.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. (07/26/2010)
This next review may seem familiar to you long time readers (at least those among you who are still allowed internet access by your state-sponsored social workers).
Yeah, why not? This next Slasher review is packed with the same reused jokes, cracked observations and pop culture references that I've used again and again on this crazy cult site. However, because this next review is for the RETREAD known as The Prowler, repeats like this are more than a little appropriate!
Also known as Rosemary's Killer, this Splatter movie features from excellent special makeup effects from Maestro Tom Freakin' Savini! Fork it Over, fans! (07/24/2010)
Yes, yes, folks... the summer season is here! And what's Summer without a big, visually stunning Sci-Fi/ Horrror sequel to whet the appetites of all the big dumb nerds, past, present and future?
However, this sequel to Predator is not your standard lame, one-off sequel or prequel with no legitimate reason for existence except for keeping money in suit pockets and names on marquees! No, this one had the potential to be transcendant, featuring a bold new idea, academy award winning actors and a great supporting cast and crew.
Unfortunately it doesn't quite become what it could have been... still... it doesn't totally EAT either. Take a look at Predators and see what I mean. (07/11/2010)
Man, I wish my new dog wasn't a total psycho. He's this cute little dude that has a bit of a mean streak. Little dude even bit a chick in Balboa Park the other day. So, yeah, folks, don't be too shocked if WorldsGreatestCritic.com is soon owned by a twentysomething redheaded jogger from San Diego. Yep... you think you can trust a guy and then everything goes... crazy!
And that brings us to our next oddball review! Our last outing into the realm of Cyber-Reviews was the latest from George Romero! We go from that one to the latest George Romero Horror Remake... but this time, surprisingly, it's not a bad one!
Yes, yes, folks... just like the gentle doggy that turns and bites we soon see our friends and neighbors from anytown USA turning so quickly into... The Crazies!
Sound like any other Horror Flick? Well, you haven't seen this one since... 1973!
Speaking of timing, folks... I saw this one opening weekend in the theatre and I'm just now reviewing it. Isn't that crazy? (06/27/2010)
So we leave ONE Island and trek to another... but on this one the world was not saved! In fact... it's the ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD!
And that should bring to mind not "Survivor Island", no folks, but one George Romero with another thrilling drama from the daring Romeroverse... the only place that Zombies ever make any sense. Yeah, I realize that's odd in and of itself.
And just as every Romero flick is unique, this latest one is a bit of a Zombie Western... set on the East Coast... on an Island... just off the coast of Delaware filled with Irishmen and Zombies. I'd say I wasn't sure which was worse, but being Irish myself, I know the answer... it's us.
Sound like a stretch?
Well check out Survival of the Dead and witness the Showdown at the DECAY Corral! (05/28/2010)
It's always somewhat Ridiculous to call any one thing (certainly in the realm of Entertainment) "The Best"! After all, everything is so subjective, right?
So to take any one thing and say that it is definitively "THE BEST" just can't be right... right?
Be that as it may... I can say without hesitation or question that LOST is the absolute Best, the unquestionably Greatest, the peerless most superior television show of ALL TIME.
And now that the show has come to a close, I think it's fair to say that LOST has PROVEN itself yet again!!! How can it be this good? Well, with LOST, the RULES don't apply. To me, LOST is the ONLY television show ever made, man!
See what I mean, folks and losties alike, by checking out LOST: "The End", the appropriately titled SERIES FINALE of the best show ever made! (05/24/2010)
From Franchise to Franchise and from Remake to Sequel... Yes, folks, it's time for more Superheroes to take the stage and take some names!
Who? Or What, is the newest, most breath-taking, most sensational Super-Hero of all...?
Who?
WHO?
WHO? I'll give you a hint... he LITERALLY has "a broken heart" and wears a suit of armor to keep anybody from getting in... he drinks a lot and looks really good in red and he's often called "Shell-Head"!
No... it's not me. Who said that?
It's IRON MAN! He Lives! He Walks! He Conquers! And he's BACK in his first sequel, appropriately known as Iron Man 2! Time to WHIP IT good! (05/12/2010)
It's that time again, kids! Time for yet another Bad Horror Remake! And nobody, not Robby Zombie, not some lame knockoff, not some Italian Schlock hoister can do it worse than the idiots at Platinum Dunes!
Hell, so far they've ground up the legacy of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, wrecked the foundation of The Amityville Horror, stranded The Hitcher and cursed the luck of Friday the 13th!
What's next? Elementary, my dear... they're going to slash massive plot holes in the once-dreamy A Nightmare on Elm Street! Bring your Nail File, folks! (05/04/2010)
Who Loves You? Kneumsi Does! That's why we've got two, count 'em, TWO Comic Book Movie reviews in one gosh darned week for you to seek your beautiful teeth into!
So, while you're thinking HARD about what to do with me, why not check out our next action-packed experiment in mediocrity, which I can only call... The Losers! Which is good, because... that's its name and all!
Don't ask me why I'm not being subtle... subtlety goes to NIL when so much is at stake. I'm good... YOU are good and neither of us happen to be... The Losers! (04/30/2010)
Over the past year, WorldsGreatestCritic.com has been horrific, loving, adventurous, surprising and... anything but timely! But one thing's for sure... we've always been KICK-ASS!
No matter what kind of movie we're reviewing... and this time out we're set to review a movie that claims to be so kick-ass its actual title is "Kick-Ass"!
Yeah, I had no interest in seeing a movie of that title either, especially considering that it looked like just another goof-ball screw-ball comedic joke!
In this case, I'm glad to be mistaken... again, because Kick-Ass actually... is! (04/25/2010)
WorldsGreatestCritic.com is BACK and doing what we do best!!! Naturally, what we do best is making fun of bad movies...
You know, those poorly acted, exploitative dumb movies from beyond the outhouse from people you barely recognize and companies you've never heard of, most often poorly named and ridiculously imagined? Well Blood Mania is all of these bad things and more!
We're talking gratuitous nudity, idiotic situations, lame plots, painfully slow expository scenes and... surprisingly almost no blood whatsoever. On the other hand, you Star Wars fans who have ever wondered what Greedo looks like in the buff, look no further, both of you! To those of you whose stomachs turn at the very thought... trust me, you'll be pleasantly surprised when you watch Blood Mania, man! (04/25/2010)
HEY, Sweet baby, Don't you think maybe we could find us a brand new recipe? Yep... This is the good stuff!
Sure, I still haven't reviewed films like The Crazies or Alice In Wonderland or even The Princess and the Frog (get mad, you should), but once in a while you watch a movie and it just makes you want to write about it.
And there are no Zombies in this one. It's called Julie & Julia and it is, most assuredly, what's cookin', my baby! (03/30/2010)
Welcome Back! Or should I say... ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
Yes, although I've been quite the slow-poke reviewer lately (I still haven't written reviews for The Crazies or Alice In Wonderland or even The Princess and the Frog) I managed to review a flick that isn't even at a theatre near you yet... unless you happen to live near me, in which case... ARE YOU STALKING ME???
Nah, I'm kiddin', I'm kiddin'! You long time readers might notice that a certain Living Rock Queen has graced the pages of this site time and again... so how about a bio pic about her first band when she was just rolling out the rock? Sound hot? Check out The Runaways and decide for yourself. But watch that first Pop... it's a Luude, Luude! (03/22/2010)
And now from a Horror Classic to a REMAKE of a Horror Classic! Ready for another Bad Horror Remake? Well, how about another surprise... while it's not at all perfect, this next film is actually a half-way Good Horror Remake!
What's the film? Well, howl at any given Lunar Day, my Love, because the film is The Wolfman, a bold, if commercialized, remake of The 1941 Classic The Wolf Man! Sure, it bites... but it doesn't actually suck!
HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY! (03/17/2010)
What's this site been built on? Why, Bad Italian Horror Movies, of course!
So, to get back into the WorldsGreatestCritic.com swing of things, how about an actual Good Italian Horror movie!
Sound good? Well, without any further ado (because who can possibly stand any more ado), here's a big old Deep Red slice of Profondo Rosso! Now help me paint the town red. (03/04/2010)
Have you ever watched one of those movies where you feel almost like you're playing a Video Game... but aren't quite in it enough?
Quite a bit of the current "Number One" movie in America's viewers feel just that way... while a great number more are demanding its early consideration for about Nine Oscars.
But just how is Shutter Island? In this case, Sanity and Quality might just be in the eye of the beholder... and anything else... just might be a conspiracy of the Brainwashing kind... (but... probably isn't)! (02/21/2010)
Welcome BACK, True Believers! Everybody knows that to follow up every Dead (Wo)Man of the Year award we have a tie in review immediately after to celebrate the dawning of the NEW YEAR.
Well, it's almost at the end of January and people are going to stop finding this writing procrastination thing terrible funny toute suite!
Regardless, to pay tribute to 2009's Dead Woman of the Year, it's time to celebrate an early episode of Star Trek that was the first to feature her character prominently. I think you hear me knockin' and I think you hear the question pretty darned loudly as I ask... "What Are Little Girls Made Of?" The answer... MAY SHOCK you! (01/27/2010)
Howdy, there, good Humans! It is now January 18th, 2010, which is by far the latest in the year I've posted an end-of-the-year Article... In fact, this year I'm not only later than the Golden Globes, you goofs, I'm later by a full week than last year's DMOTY article! So how much longer shall my shrinking proliferation be warded off by the excuse "I've got a life, man!"?
Any way you slice it it's high time that I reveal The 2009 Dead Man of the Year, am I right?
Who is it? Well if you click the link, you might find out that this year's The Dead Man of the Year is no man at all... but one remarkably influential lady.
Oh, what? What, is that too much change for you? YOU PEOPLE... oh... you like the idea. Well, then... good. Set your Wake-Up Call to STUN and see before you all the SPACE you could ever need... inner space, outer space... Space, baby, Space!
Okay, so maybe you've figured her out... but The Dead Woman of the Year 2009AND its upcoming tie-in review... which... at this rate... will be written and posted around Valentine's Day, my love! (01/18/2010)
Once upon a time, I decided to use the space between Christmas and New Years Day to put together some articles detailing the best, worst and weirdest thing of the entire year that passed.
That was a lot of writing which had to share time with my research for and writing of The Dead Man of the Year award!
Then I started getting them all out the first week of the new year.
This year I was determined to get everything done by January 7th or I'd consider myself a complete failure.
Well, happy January 10th, everyone... I've now finished the third of three year-end looks back for you... partially because I was out drinking with my sister on the 7th!
You've read the good, you've dodged the BAD... now experience the strangest of them all: The Asinine 9 of 2009 from WorldsGreatestCritic.com! (01/10/2010)
Folks, I've been quite the optimist lately, but not even I can deny that there's a big pile of horse crap out there! It was less difficult to choose nine things that blew goats this year than it was to condense them into a bullet form.
So, for another article that took too long and "isn't that good anyway", I loudly resent The Bottom 9 of 2009, from sublime to the bovine, it's the 2009 days of Swine and Roses! (01/05/2010)
As promised, here's the first of our end-of-the-year-articles, bright, shining and new, only three days after the actual end of the year.
I know what you're thinking... and you're right! You're thinking "What takes this guy so long to write all this horse ka-ka. It's not like any of his articles are THAT GOOD anyway."
And... well... OUCH! But anyway, you're right... this one was easy... I had far TOO MANY of the best things of the year. The worst... that's a hard list for an Optimist. Check out The Top 9 of 2009 and feel fine as brine wine! (01/03/2010)
Happy New Year, everybody! WorldsGreatestCritic.com's year-end articles are on the way,starting today! But like last year, you True Believers have a chance to relive the goof-ball past with yet another Kneumsi equivalent of one of those lame-ass clip shows!
Heading back to 2005, let's take a look at the Memories and the Awards that make each WorldsGreatestCritic.com year a WorldsGreatestCritic.com year to remember... packed with WorldsGreatestCritic.Comedy!
The Retrospectives:
Hey, folk, THIS IS IT! I don't DANCE! Read all about it, relive the past or go read somebody else.
They may be better writers, but I've got better HAIR!
Enjoy and, again, Happy Nude Year! (01/03/2010)
Happy New Year's Eve, everysmurf! It's time for our last Movie Review of 2009, with a big BURNT Toast to 2010!
Our Last Review was te worst thing to happen to Captain America until Rob Liefeld! This next one had the potential to be the same travesty for the iconic Sherlock Holmes!
Yeah, well, believe it or not, this one isn't really that bad at all. Check out Sherlock Holmes and sleuth it for yourself!
Act now, it's the last review of 2009! (12/31/2009)
Merry Christmas, everyone... and on WorldsGreatestCritic.com you know what that means!
Yep, it's time for The 2009 Christmas Turkey!
I agonized over this one folks, looking for just the right HORRIBLE movie to treat you all to and trying not to mine the same old motherlode of bad Italian Horror movies!
So where should one look for a movie so bad that it can be considered worthy of this annual designation? How about... TURKEY of course? Ha ha ha, and trust me, the Turkish Vein is unquestionably ready to be tapped, especially when the egregious rip offs here trump even the most legendary Horror Tripe we've done before. Don't believe me? Check it out... this action flick features a real-life Lucha Libre star, teaming up with Captain America to do battle with Spider-Man... and Spidey's the BAD GUY!
Folks, I would say that you can't make this stuff up, but someone actually DID... in a super-bad flick called...
3 Dev Adam!
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll shake your head in frustration and scream "WHY, GOD, WHY?"
What more could anyone ask for from The 2009 Christmas Turkey without being completely selfish? Huzzah and Merry Christmas! Ho, Ho, Ho!!! (12/25/09)
Well, the year-end is almost upon us, which means I'm soon going to have to give you the worthiest, worst and weirdest of 2009!
This means, of course, that it's high-time that I reviewed one of the year's best from my vantage point of the best seat in the IMAX3-D theatre.
Am I talking about Avatar?
But of COURSE, my Dahrling!!! (12/23/09)
Hey Baby, Hey Baby, HEY! What's up, is your Christmas Shopping done yet? Well, we've come a LONG WAY BABY! No, I don't mean WorldsGreatestCritic.com. This site's been near stagnant for months. I mean it's been a hell of a long time since the Batman & Robin days, because our old buddy Clooney has been pretty damned cool for years now!
Cool enough, in fact, to be the star of two reviews in a row here on this ROW of a website.
Yes, Kiddies, it's time to go up in the air, then gather around and watch... The Men who Stare at Goats! Will the REAL Jedi Warrior please stand up? (12/13/09)
Well, what's snappenin', Folks? I'm thinking it's high time we had a little Stop Motion Motion of the Anderson/ Clooney kind!
What are we talking about? Why, Wild Animals, of course, raiding English Farms and acting like partying Bengal cats on a Bender! Man, if that doesn't just scream Dahl, what does?
Well, kids, adults, dudes, chicks, astronauts and elevator operators, it's super-high-time to explore the crazy tree houses of Fantastic Mr. Fox! Hey, at least it's not another bad horror flick! (12/5/09)
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody... or should I say... Happy TURKEY DAY!? Yes, after all this time, we are still doing our Thanksgiving Feast. And this year we come full circle for Revenge and a New Beginning... which happens a lot with Fifth Installments.
Last year we did an Unofficial Sequel. THIS year we do the same, but it will be an unnoficial sequel that is ALSO a Bad Italian Horror Movie! Yes, it will hurt, folks. It will hurt a LOT!
What do I mean? What is the Turkey this year? Well The Turkey is a TROLL... as in Troll 2, which is not only one of the worst films ever made, but also is about GOBLINS... instead of Trolls. I'm sorry folks... Enjoy your REVENGE! (11/26/09)
Happy Friday, everybody... or should I say... Happy Friday the 13th!? This Casual Friday we do what we always do on these Bad-Luck, Red Letter Days... I review a Jason flick!
This one had potential to be among the best... but ended up being just another episode in the saga that just won't die.
Keep that in mind as you ponder the title Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (11/13/09)
So how was your Halloween, everybody? If I had to choose one word for mine, it'd be... EXPENSIVE! But, totally worth it!
Although the Summer of Horror has been over for almost two months, tis still the season for a fright flick or two, considering we're currently sandwiched right smack dab in between a Halloween and a Friday the 13th!
So, what's next, true believers? How about yet another creepy Cinema Verite experiment in the creepy? No, not Quarantine or even [Rec]! I'm talking about a flick that came out before either one of those Shaky Camera Scary Movies but is currently Number Two at the box office (meaning its profit threshold is most certainly NOT "Number Two"!
I think you hear me knockin' and I think I'm comin' in... it's time to investigate some Paranormal Activity, isn't it?
SURVEY SAYS: it is! (11/06/09)
Another Year another Halloween comes upon us! And you know what that means. Yep, yet another Halloween movie review! Actually, at this rate, I'm about to run out of them... unless the remake dinks keep churning them out. Ick.
You attentive readers will know just where we're at in our yearly Halloween Sequel Features... that's right! It's high time for the 20th anniversary of the Screamer that Out screamed Scream! Unfortunately... Halloween H20 owes as much to Scream as Scream owed to the original Halloween! Worth a look? YOU DECIDE! (10/31/09)
Howdy, Folks! After taking some time off to fall back in love with Louisiana, I figured it was high time that I swung back into action to remind you that, yes, I still write Reviews. Though, admittedly, this one is a month late.
What do you get when you find nine Stitchpunks at your Future's End?
If your answer is "What the HELL is a Stitchpunk?" then you haven't yet watched 9.
It's cool and interesting, if incomplete, but folks... don't show this one to your kids. Sheesh! (10/09/09)
Well, hello, folks, miss me?
No?
Well, okay, then...
for those of you who did, I reached a bit of a burnout point after the 2009 Summer of Horror and its rapid-fire, last-minute reviews, but I'm back and in full force now.
Or am I? Maybe I've just hired a Robot Double to do the heavy lifting for me!!! Well, you decide after reading my forward-thinking review for Surrogates! (09/27/09)
The end is finally here! We started the 2009 Summer of Horror on 6.6.9 an promised to end on 9.9.9., which is why I've unloaded this many reviews at once on the unsuspecting public!
This second Horror Summer has been about haunted houses, synergy, British Horror, terrifying links and, of course, how to survive a demonic possession! !
The 2006 Summer of Horror started on 6.6.6 with The Omen Remake and shot forth with a full fifty-four reviews, ending its run with the original The Omen! This time out, I was determined to meet or beat it, so on 6.6.9 I started with Exorcist II: The Heretic and am now about to post my fifty-fourth review of the season... and it is, of course, THE ORIGINAL The Exorcist! At long last. Yes, folks, I've managed to drum up all 54 reviews once again... amid the distractions of actually having a life now.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm tired of this crap. I'm taking a damn break and I don't want to even THINK about another horror movie for the next three years. Or... days... Hours, maybe! (9/9/9)
It's not midnight yet... and we've got more, if you can believe that... but only two more! That's right, the 2009 Summer of Horror continues now with its second to last review...
You saw this summer we featured all kinds of amazing Haunted House reviews... what's the main one you noticed was missing?
If you said Poltergeist, then you get the No-Prize! Our second-to-last flick finalizes the Haunted House streak and sets us up for the last review of the season. Guess what it is! (9/9/9)
Yeah, I know, I know, you're thinking "How many is this dude going to post today?" Well, folks, because the 2009 Summer of Horror is ending tonight at midnight, my answer is... "as many as it TAKES!"
You know we started this wicked season with a trip back to Georgetown for the terrible sequel Exorcist II: The Heretic! Dare we see how an Exorcist Sequel looks when done right?
Well, mostly right. Here, check out The Exorcist III, then think of a HAPPY joke... and Laugh! (9/9/9)
The time has come to revisit a vacation destination near and dear to all of our hearts as well as to the 2009 Summer of Horror! Did you think that the Haunted House streak could really end... without... The Shining?
Perish the thought... And GET A ROOM! (9/9/9)
Today is the final day of the 2009 Summer of Horror, making this our final night... and since we're celebrating with a little bit of the old Zombie Fun... you might call this one the... Night of the Creeps!
Yep, Night of the Creeps, the zombie worm horror flick that has never been released on DVD... Until 2009! Before the film is finally hits the small screen in widescreen digital glory, get ready for it by reading my review... It's spicy! (9/9/9)
Monsters, Monsters, Monsters all OVER the 2009 Summer of Horror! Anybody who knows anything about WorldsGreatestCritic.com knows that the preferred "monster" around here would be a... ZOMBIE! If... that's really what these waterlogged corpses in our next film really are... you'll note my ambiguity about that when you read my review for The Fog! And yes, folks, this one does bring us right back to our sweet, sweet Jamie Lee (9/9/9)
And here you thought that the Monsters were slowing down? HELL NO! the 2009 Summer of Horror continues now with a different kind of "thriller", once again from the dude who brought us A Christmas Story! Yeah, there's no synergy to be had or needed here because our next terror tale is Deathdream (aka: Dead of Night) and it is, as I say, "most assuredly" in a league of its own! (9/9/9)
Two Monstrous Turns deserve ONE MORE on this eve to the finale of the Summer of Horror! One of the Crown Jewels of the 2006 Summer of Horror was the review of the 1935 Universal Horror Classic Bride of Frankenstein! No, I'm not going for a remake of that incredible film...
In fact, I planned the 2009 Summer of Horror's synergy with that film to be a bit of a joke in the form of 1971's Lady Frankenstein, an Italian Schlock fest with plenty of nudity. Unfortunately for you (but fortunately for me) this one wasn't that bad, man!! (09/08/09)
Having trouble keeping up with these last minute Summer of Horror reviews? Imagine having to write the damned things! Let's take this syngergystic time to revisit yet another MonSTAR! Three years ago this week, I posted the review for the 1932 Universal Classic The Mummy, you know the first horror film to feature a Wrap Star!
Lateness be my name, but here's the next bit of Summer of Horror synergy and it's from our friends at HAMMER FILMS! That's right, kids, it's time for The Mummy, featuring the undead serial killer with a starcrossed love! (09/08/09)
The first Summer of Horror was all about Classic Horror, Signs and Portents and eerie oddities. This Summer of Horror has been about Synergy with the past and about exposing the rarities of classic horror!
Three years ago on August 26, I posted the review for the 1931 Universal Classic Frankenstein, still considered to be an icon of modern creature features.
I may be late on this slice of Summer of Horror synergy, but it's high time that WorldsGreatestCritic.com reviewed the FIRST ever Frankenstein from way back in 1910! Don't miss Frankenstein, the silent classic worth its weight in nightmares! (09/08/09)
While I've yet to properly finish the Haunted House streak (and the 2009 Summer of Horror is almost out of time), let's carry on with this little Slasher ride with a film that was, most assuredly, ahead of its time!
Before the self aware horror slasher Semi-Comedies of the 1990s there was a strange slasher feature that brought movie theatre horror from the crowd to the big screen and back to the crowd. It was called, humorously and appropriately enough,Popcorn and while it didn't exactly EXPLODE at the box office, it more than holds its own today when compared to the more famous films that followed. So, as this Summer of Horror is winding down, why don't you buy a bag and go home in a box? (09/08/09)
Yeah, I know, I know, I just gave you Halloween II, a film that sounded like it should be about a guy in a Costume Mask stalking and slashing at one Jamie Lee, the world's most famous "Final Girl"! Sorry, it was the lame-ass remake's sequel instead.
But to make it up to you folks, the 2009 Summer of Horror continues now with Terror Train, a film about a guy in a Costume Mask stalking and slashing at one Jamie Lee, the world's most famous "Final Girl"! Yep, the time is right for Atonement, slashy style! (09/07/09)
Speaking of "Cameos" the 2009 Summer of Horror continues now with another walk-on rich flick, just like the last one... Only this one isn't any good at all!
Do we have any Michael Myers fans in the house? Well, let's see if we can change that now with the sequel to that Halloween remake!
It's called, of course, Halloween II and it is a stab in the dark, man... and not in a good way!!! (09/07/09)
The Haunted House streak and, in fact, the 2009 Summer of Horror on the whole is winding down now, but not, by any means is it running out of Steam!
So far this season has been one for the records, but this one just might take the cake... considering it has more stars in it than Sin City and The Player put together.
Okay, maybe not THAT many!
But dammit, check out the cool and creepy horror flick The Sentinel for yourself and just see what I mean. The cast list looks like a few stolen pages from the William Morris Agency, man! (09/05/09)
Okay, the Synergy Gimmick isn't 100% of what The 2009 Summer of Horror is all about! In fact, I just skipped some crap because I suck so bad, man!
Two Months ago and a butt-load of change, I reviewed a HAUNTING film that came out just about 23 years ago... No, it's not Poltergeist or even The Shining (do the math, clowns)!
Do you give up on the spirit of Horror Synergy? Well...
Here it is, folks, the moment you Summer of Horror fans have been waiting for! A review of 1987's
House II: The Second Story! You thought I was going to say The Exorcist, didn't you? Yeah, this movie is NOExorcist, but we all need our laughs SOMETIMES, am I right? (9.1.9)
Our last 2009 Summer of Horror, Haunted House flick was a true Richard Matheson CLASSIC.
To continue this little MINI-Streak, let's experience just a bit more Matheson with the more modern and much more underrated Stir of Echoes!
Now, imagine you're stiff as a board... now cluck like a Chicken... Now... oh HELL, just read the reviews!! (08/30/09)
The Wait is FINALLY over! The decade wait for Inglourious Basterds? No, the wait for my ass to finally write and post this review. I saw the damned thing at midnight last Thursday. I am REALLY slipping lately!
I blame you, it's your fault.
Yes, folks, it's finally here, Thirty-One years after the release of Inglorious Bastards, at long last, we get Tarantino's promised film is finally upon us! Let's all watch Inglourious Basterds and finish off by killing some Nazis!!! (08/27/09)
So we've closed the creaky door on the 2009 Summer of Horror's , Haunted House Streak... right?
El Wrong-o, Mon Capitan!
We've visited sweet Mrs. Jackson's Hill House twice already... so how about an inspired corollary from just as legendary a writer!
That's right, the Summer of Horror drags us once more into the gaping maw of the Haunted House with Richard Matheson's The Legend of Hell House!
That title may SOUND derivative, but trust me, Amigos Y Amigas... this is not your Guru's Haunted Mansion! (08/25/09)
Well, this amazing Summer of Horror has, at last approached the mystical, magical date of August 23, 1974! I'm up late drinking beer and I'm considering staggering to the nearest 24 hour convenience store to boggart me some Cigarettes!
So let's take a break from the Haunted House Streak and enjoy one more slasher flick at my own request. After all, on a day like today, what can one say... except... Happy Birthday to Me!? Now, we wait!!! (08/23/09)
Did you think I was kidding about the Summer of Horror II, Haunted House Streak? Not... Even... Close... Bud... After our Alien interlude it's time to once again go for broke and investigate some SERIOUS Haunted House Movies in our Summer of HorrorHaunted House Streak! We started with the CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: THE HAUNTING!!! We continue now with THE UNORIGINAL (1999 remake) version of The Haunting to re-kick it off for us once again!
And if you thought the "Streaks" so far haven't held water... two flicks here, three flicks there... hold on to your creaky attics, folks, because The Summer of Horror 2's Haunted House Streak is going to be one of those proverbial "Big Corellian Ships"... and HERE's further proof! (08/20/09)
Let's take a quick break from our amazing Haunted House streak during our brilliant 2009 Summer of Horror! That is, unless you can consider this one about an entire "Haunted Skid Row"? Nah, me neither.
This is the realistic (somehow) tale of Alien Apartheid in South Africa that is handled with grace, action, horror and metaphor! It's called District 9, so pop open a can of Cat Food and get ready for the ride!! (8.16.9)
It's Synergy time again here in this 2009 Summer of Horror and its amazing Haunted House streak! ! This one you might not be expecting. Three years ago today I reviewed The Blood Spattered Bride, one of the HOTTEST explorations of Carmilla ever filmed... and Now... Now...
And now, for the greatest movie ever made about Carmilla... no, not Vampire Lovers! The Summer of Horror couldn't possibly go on without this classic tale of (theoretical) Vampirism? Why? One word: Lesbians (theoretically)! Check out Let's Scare Jessica to Death! You'll be glad you did... or you're probably on the wrong website! (8.12.9)
Amid this Haunted House streak we've just passed the point at which we have only one month left of the 2009 Summer of Horror! ! Today, however, it's time to grab one more slice of Synergy.
Back on 10/09/08 I reviewed the stink bug known as La Casa 3 and I've been apologizing ever since. Now, it's 08/10/09, so it's high time that we foreclosed on the whole "La Casa" series! So let's Synergize:
Folks, I can't get enough of The Evil Dead! I love that movie... and the guys who made it love me (see my Feedback page for details on that)!
Yep, the only thing The Evil Dead could use more of is... sequels... and we're getting them, starting in the year of our Lord, 2011!
But in Italy, following in that arcane, nonsense tradition of unofficial sequels, there are already a ton of sequels to those films (released around "the Boot" as the "La Casa" series). The last of these, following hard upon La Casa 4 and was called, obviously, La Casa 5! Unfortunately, it sucks more than the vacuum cleaner it would take to clean up La Titular Casa! Yeah, it's bad... Folks, if you read this review and still find yourself excited enough to seek out and view La Casa 5, I've got five words of advice for you: Tums, Tums, Tums, Tums, TUUUUUUUUUUMS! (08/10/09)
The "For God's Sake Get Out" factor is a prime and constant element of just about every Haunted House flick, whether a part of 2009 Summer of Horror or not. This next Fright Feature turns that whole concept upside down because everything seems perfectly reasonable at first. But if the title is anything to go by... everyone who steps inside of it may well become... Burnt Offerings!
How was that, Kiddies? I'm trying to become the next Crypt Keeper! (08/09/09)
So, how are you liking this here Haunted House streak in this here 2009 Summer of Horror so far? That bad, huh? Well... SIT ON IT!
Because if you're not digging it so far, you're definitely not going to be diggin' this next butt nugget in the toilet bowl of bad Italian horror flicks! You know, it's much less of a surprise that we've had Bad Italian Horror flicks in this bad Horror Season than it is that we actually had a GOOD Italian Horror Flick stuck up in here somewhere!
This Bad Italian Horror flick is just that... BAD... Yeah, it's time to sink to new foundations with my review for the SECOND flick in the "La Casa" series, entitled of course... La Casa 4! No, no, no, you read that right! The Second Flick... is part four. I'm sorry folks, I truly, truly am! (08/07/09)
I promised you a Haunted House streak and The 2009 Summer of Horror is going to deliver on that promise... AND HOW.
Let's synergize now with the first Summer of Horror on one of the most famouse Haunted Houses of them all. Three years ago today, I posted the review for THE ORIGINAL The Amityville Horror! Now, we roll forward to the TV Movie entry into that cheesed-out series. Let's roll back in the memory-bone as we say:
The Horror Hits just keep on coming in this Summer of Horror! It's high time that WorldsGreatestCritic.com reviewed the FOURTH Amityville, entitled Amityville: The Evil Escapes! Hey, I wonder if the EXORCIST might stop by 112 Ocean Avenue, ah? (08/03/09)
Our last three Summer of Horror II reviews have related back to "The Ultimate Haunted House Movie" , which is what most people would call Alien! So you think that doesn't apply? Think about it, kids!
Now, let's go for broke and investigate some SERIOUS Haunted House Movies in our Summer of HorrorHaunted House Streak... starting with the CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: THE HAUNTING!!! Yeah... THE ORIGINAL kicks it off for us!
And if you thought the "Streaks" so far haven't held water... two flicks here, three flicks there... hold on to your creaky attics, folks, because The Summer of Horror 2's Haunted House Streak is going to be one of those proverbial "Big Corellian Ships"! (07/31/09)
And now, the moment SOME of you have been waiting for... I think. I guess... Maybe. Anyway, The 2009 Summer of Horror, continues our three-part introductory streak to a new mega-streak, just around the bend... and it's going to be as unexpected as this entry!
Yes, folks, it's high time we discussed the Sci-Fi/ Horror flick that helped lead to so many other classics. Yeah, with a name like Planet of the Vampires, you know it's going to be a B-Movie of some kind, but take note: This inventive slice of scary science fiction may cut some corners, but does so in a creative and pioneering way that will look familiar and cool in hindsight! After all, we are talking about another horror flick from Bava and Son!
Summer of Horror fans rejoice!
It's Terrore Nello Spazio! (07/29/09)
Believe it or not, this next one DOES constitute a streak with our last review. You'll see why soon. It also serves as yet another slice of The 2009 Summer of Horror Synergy, in that three years ago today, I posted the review for Creature from the Black Lagoon! So let's spoof THAT Posting now:
For most of our lives, there has been one name that has been Synonimous with "Horror"... No, not The Exorcist! Will you be patient? I'm joking about Corman! The Summer of Horror couldn't be complete without Corman's unsung classic Creature From The Haunted Sea! We're gonna need a bigger bloat! (07/27/09)
Well, we've just passed our twenty-fifth review (by this time during the first Summer of Horror, we were at sixteen, so 25 is pretty good!). Incidentally "25" is the number that's going to get me into trouble now. See during The 2009 Summer of Horror, we've been doing a lot of synergy with the first one, releasing related films on the same date as the first time. In the case of our next terror tale, I planned to link it up with 1980's pretender to the Alien throne: Alien 2: On Earth, which I could have sworn was reviewed on July 25th... but was July 24th. SLACKER!
So... let's run with it anyway... Three years ago THIS WEEK, I reviewed Alien 2, the unofficial sequel to Alien! Today, we hit you with the real deal Holyfield, so let's SYNERGIZE:
It wasn't hard to find, I always knew it existed. It was worth finding, even thought I have four or five copies of it. How can I make an already dubious-in-taste Summer of Horror even better? With the first (and VERY, VERY, VERY official) sequel to Alien! It's called Aliens, and it will make you believe that perhaps War Crimes Tribunals should be extended toward mean spirited Corporations and Weiland-Yutani's malicious machinations. Holy Crap! (07.25.09)
Twenty-four scary turns deserve another during
The 2009 Summer of Horror! I ask you, what would the SUMMER OF HORROR be without George Romero? No Summer of Horror, I would ever want... to... be... oh, wait... The first Summer of Horror didn't feature any Romero, did it?
Okay, well... this... this one does! And, folks, he's been all over the site, past, present and future. Now, let's revisit what was actually the latest Romero Flick I ever saw: Bruiser, featuring a very uncool wannabe in a white mask that goes defective.
Yes, Yes! And believe it or not, it's still pretty darned good!
Check out Bruiser as another exciting part of The Summer of Horror II!!! (7.23.9)
Okay, time to break from our B-Movie streak, as we did with our Sexy Vampire streak and our Killer Car streak!
Damn, I just realized the 2009 Summer of Horror SUCKs, man! I'll have to get back to all that crap soon!
Anyway... Three years ago today, I reviewed Hitchcock's classic Frenzy and since I synergized two Hitchcock Flicks with their De Palma counterparts on 07.07.09, let's relive the great Hitchcock day with a little De Palma!
Since this great Summer of Horror started, I've been teasing you with two things... A review of The Exorcist and a review of a Bona Fide Brian DePalma thriller! Because the response has been unquestionably in favor of my reviewing The Exorcist as soon as inhumanly possible, here's Brian DePalma's classic Dressed to Kill! JOKE ON IT!!!
(07/15/09)
Are you ready for more B-Movies to continue our B-Streak of the 2009 Summer of Horror? Are you ready for another CLASSIC from the JURASSIC? Are you ready for more WorldsGreatestCritic.Comedy?
Well, look no further as we bring to you another oldie, yet baddie, yet... funny film called Attack of the Giant Leeches! That's just about as B as a B-Movie Title can GET...
But it wasn't always meant to be a joke! Being featured on MST3K surely didn't help get it taken seriously, but once upon a time this was a Creature Feature that promised CREEPING HORROR! Don't miss Attack of the Giant Leeches, because I assure you they won't miss you!
(07/14/09)
Well, it's July 13, 2009! Monday the 13th! Yeah! And since "13" pushed together looks like a "B", it's time to get into some B-Movies for our next streak within the 2009 Summer of Horror!
What is a "B-Movie"? A BAD Movie? No! "B-Movies" were originally named so because they were the secondary film in a double feature. The "A-Movie" would be the bigger budgeted blockbuster while the "B-Movie" would be the opening act, generally made with less funds and second-string actors.
"Double Features" are rare these days, but "B-Movies" are still being made. The term has come to describe certain lower budgeted films less likely to make huge splashes at the box office.
However, B-Movies aren't merely trash films... well, not always. Some of the best actors and directors of our time started in B-Movies and B-Movies have transcended their low-class status to become self-aware comedies in some cases and surprisingly high-quality films in others.
Unfortunately, to start this streak, we don't have one of those GOOD ones. No, we're starting with a flop called PIGS! And if that doesn't OINK "B-Movie" to you pretty loudly then its original title of Daddy's Deadly Darling certainly should.
Yeah, there are all kinds of high-quality B-Movies out there... but Pigs isn't one of them. Watch out for H1N1, folks!
(07/13/09)
To continue our 2009 Summer of Horror Sexy Vampire streak, here's a snippet of a instant messaging conversation I had with my Best Friend yesterday online:
Elle: whatcha doin
J.C.:Watching South Park and half-working on a review for a Lesbian Vampire movie.
Elle: Of course you are.
That says it all! So, without any further ado (because who ever said "I could really use some more ADO!") let's dive right into the Sapphic Joys of VAMPYRES, the film that still serves as a remarkable reminder of what a great idea it is to pick up British Hitchhikers! (07/12/09)
Time for more Synergy... And this one, I'll admit, is kind of a stretch... Well, it's REALLY a stretch!
On 10/09/07 I reviewed a Video Nasty called Flesh for Frankenstein for that year's fall season Fall... In Love with a VIDEO NASTY! Now it's 07/10/09 and for the 2009 Summer of Horror it's time to review the stupid movie the makers of Flesh For Frankenstein made just because they had time and felt like it. Ready? SYNERGIZE!
Some of the names that have appeared on the list of Video Nasties are no-brainers... others may surprise you. For example... Andy Warhol.
Yep. Andy Warhol!
So, as the 2009 Summer of Horror continues, check out another reason your favorite POP artist and mine, made the list as you read the review for Blood for Dracula! Let me remind you, though... this one is most certainly... not a video nasty... but it IS nasty. You won't even be THINKING about Campbell's Soup after this one!
Maybe... BRUCE... Campbell's Soup... if anything. (07/10/09)
Well, two Five Star movies in a row! Could this be a new era of GREATNESS for WorldsGreatestCritic.com?
I WISH! No... No... No... Unfortunately, as the 2009 Summer of Horror continues, it's back to the old CRAPOLA!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll have more Killer Cars, soon, but firrrrrrrrrrst we'll get into our "Sexy Vampire Flick" streak. Sadly, Evils of the Night is a HELL of a start! And that's not a compliment.
If you hate Exploitation Flicks... avoid this one.
If you LOVE Exploitation Flicks... avoid this one.
If you love 80s porn stars and you want to see more of them... YOU SHOULD STILL avoid the hell out of Evils of the Night! (07.09.09)
Yes, it's true, no one does SUSPENSE quite like Hitchcock! Our Summer of Horror continues now with yet another Synergy with yet another tribute to Hitch. Yep, how about more Hitchcock with Vertigo. If you've seen Body Double and other De Palma flicks, you've probably wondered where he got his ideas... Check this one and Rear Window for your anwer! You won't have to SUSPEND your disbelief for this SUSPENSE thriller, but man does it ever make this Summer of Horror even hotter! (07.07.09)
More Summer of Horror 2009 Synergy? No? Well, too bad. My site, I make the rules.
Three years ago today I posted a couple of groovy reviews of films inspired by (Read: "borrowed from") some of Hitchcock's best! Now it seems only fair and right to show you just what was being ripped off!
So, we take a break from the soon-to-return "Killer Car Streak" to pay tribute to (and to hopefully top) our postings of Blow Out and Body Double, we boldly ask this question again:
What is Horror, really? Scares and Jumps? No, that's just startling. Horror is about SUSPENSE! Now, the Summer of Horror pays tribute to SUSPENSE by handing you a big screaming barrel full of it!!! Who does suspense better than Alfred Hitchcock? No one does. And I do have a new Hitchcock Review, just for you! So enjoy the Coke to De Palma's Pepsi: Alfred Hitchcock, and his 1954 thriller Dial 'M' for Murder! I know you'll be glad you did! (07.07.09)
Happy day after the Fourth of July, everybody!
The 2009 Summer of Horror continues our Killer Car Streak with the next, most logical entry into the Summer Travel Season: The Hearse!
Surprisingly... it's not quite as derivative as it sounds... or is it?
Don't miss The Hearse! Sooner or later, it comes for us all! (7.5.9)
Happy Fourth of July, everybody! Incidentally, July 4, 2008 was the end of our last official Season!
After our almost-year break, The 2009 Summer of Horror is kicking the Sanguine Season into High Gear.
Today is Independence Day and July 4th weekend is famous for being the starting line for all kinds of summer vacations! Whether you're traveling or staying put, what better day than today to kick off our Killer Car Streak with, you guessed it, The Car! Yes, THE CAR. It'd be easier to mistake the plot of Snakes on a Plane than a title like
THE CAR!!!
Drive Safely, folks and Happy Fourth! (7.4.9)
The WorldsGreatestCritic.com2009 Summer of Horror is back in full force now with a little something-something that you might find a bit familiar if you browsed a Video Store or tape rental section of an Albertsons back in the late 1980s.
Yeah, you recognize this art? Now... show of hands... who out there was fool enough to get suckered into actually watching Future-Kill?
If so, you have my condolences! If not, read my review and that's all you need to do! Frat Boys vs. Inner-City Augmented Mutants! What the hell? Don't subject yourselves to such torture Dudes and Chicks! That's what WorldsGreatestCritic.com is here for! I'm watching BAD movies so you don't have to!
Join me as we go from an Ultra-Indie about making a bad horror flick... to... the real thing! "Future-Kill"! That says it all!
(6.30.9)
INDIE INTERLUDE: Yes, it's time for another Ultra-Indie to keep this streak going, but don't worry, this isn't another break from The 2009 Summer of Horror!
No, no Kiddies and Kitties, our next frightful feast is Lights Camera Dead, a horror comedy that fits perfectly in with our Season of Wither! Further, it comes with a frighteningly ringing endorsement as my wife's Bengal Kitten Lola (one of the most frightening creatures in the history of the planet) loves the movie! Couldn't take her monstrous little eyes off of it! More to come, CREEPS! (6.26.9)
INDIE INTERLUDE: Let's take a break from The 2009 Summer of Horror and revisit some old Canadian friends on the Ultra-Indie list!
Yes, folks, it's time for us to pay a visit to The Notorious Newman Brothers, courtesy of The Notorious Butler Brothers! Laugh with them, laugh at them, just be glad you're in on the joke! (June 25, 2009)
Okay, the Synergy Gimmick isn't 100% of what The 2009 Summer of Horror is all about, but hey, Nostalgia and Continuity, right? Right!
Three years ago today, I reviewed an a pre-J-HorrorHaunted House piece called "The House where Evil Dwells!"
Today we stroll back to another HAUNTING film that came out just a few years later... No, it's not Poltergeist or even The Shining!
Do you give up on the spirit of Horror Synergy? Well...
Here it is, folks, the moment you Summer of Horror fans have been waiting for! A review of 1986's
House! You thought I was going to say Amityville 4, didn't you? Yeah, this movie is NOAmityville! Which is a GOOD thing! (6.24.9)
Now it's time, once again, for one of our The 2009 Summer of Horror Synergy Pieces! Three years ago today, I reviewed an American-Made English-language version of Dracula!
Today, I'm reviewing a American-Made English-Language version of the same story that you and I know so well!
So, in the spirit of Horror Synergy, let me say:
What could be better to continue this kick-ass Summer of Horror than by reaching back to the gothic 1992 of Terror with Bram Stoker's Dracula... and this time, I'll bet you it IS the one you're thinking of. Don't we all think of Oldman when we think of the Count? Ah, well... maybe! (6.19.9)
Now it's time, once again, for one of our The 2009 Summer of Horror Synergy Pieces! Three years ago today, I reviewed an American-Made foreign-language version of Dracula!
Today, I'm reviewing a Foreign-Made English-Language version of the same story that you and I know so well!
So, in the spirit of Horror Synergy, let me say:
What could be better to celebrate The World's Greatest Critic's Summer of Horror than by reaching back to the gothic roots of Terror with Dracula... And it might not be the one you're thinking of. Rock on! (6.18.9)
Still here, FREAKS? The 2009 Summer of Horror has just moved past the mini-3D streak and our "Red Letter Day" streak, so it's time to get back to the way we started this season... with POSSESSION!
Yes, folks, our next terror tale is not just a rip off of The Exorcist, it's the RIP OFF that started (and legalized) them all!
Trust me, even though I'll admit that Chi Sei? is pretty scary in parts, you'll come out of this one wanting to sue also.
And when you're suffering from a bad case of ASSONITIS, you'll say to yourself "Can't we just get Beyond the Door?
Lamely Possessed slice of The Summer of Horror 2!!! (6.17.9)
I'd like to proudly announce that my daughter graduated from High School last night! Yep!
So, as a special gift to her, The 2009 Summer of Horror wants to celebrate in the best way it can... with an appropriate scary movie review!
Yep, it's time for another Red Letter Day for Horror... this time, we celebrate graduation day with... GRADUATION DAY!
Happy Graduation Day, awesome kid... And don't worry... this isn't your only present! A higher educated Part of The Summer of Horror 2!!! (6.12.9)
One 3-D turn deserves another during
The 2009 Summer of Horror!
After the bizarre, futuristic 3-D Terror of Parasite, how about we roll on back to the past... my past, that is, to a film I loved as a kid! This proves I must not have been the sharpest tack in the corkboard, folks!
With a talented cast, cutting-edge technology and some superb writers to boot, all the signs were pointing toward Jaws 3-D being a real winner. So... why did it sink like "Bruce the Stone"?
The answer to this and many other questions can be found in my review for Jaws 3-D! Another Fine Part of The Summer of Horror II!!! (6.10.9)
I've always said that "film reviewing is the last truly parasitic occupation out there", so it's only fitting that our third review for The 2009 Summer of Horror would be 1982's Three Dimensional, Futuristic Schlock and Gore Fest Parasite!
I'd like to tell you that you're going to love this one, but I can honestly only barely remember it.
If you're in the mood for a bad horror flick (with some promising special effects from our 2008 Dead Man of the YearStan Winston) check out cParasite! If not... what, are you on this website by ACCIDENT?
Don't forget, I'm here for you, watching BAD MOVIES so you don't have to! That's what The Summer of Horror II is all about!
(6.8.9)
One scary turn deserves another during
The 2009 Summer of Horror!
I ask you, what would the SUMMER OF HORROR be without Dario Argento? No Summer of Horror, I would ever want... to... be... oh, wait... The first Summer of Horror didn't feature any Dario, did it?
Okay, well... this... this one does! And, folks, he's been all over the site, past, present and future. Now, let's revisit what was probably the first Argento Flick I ever saw: PHENOMENA, featuring a veritable army of insects and a bug detective.
Yes, Yes! And believe it or not, it's still pretty darned good!
Check out Phenomena as another exciting part of The Summer of Horror II!!! (6.7.9)
It's finally Here! The 2009 Summer of Horror!!! The first Summer of Horror started three years ago today on 6.6.6 and ran all the way to 9.9.6 with a total of 54 reviews and the primacy and recency of The Omen!
From there we branched out into two full years of Seasons before breaking and just becoming "Regular Ass Kneumsi" for a while. Now we begin again with "The Summer of Horror II", which runs from 6.6.9 all the way through to 9.9.9!!!
And just how should we start such an amazing season? By me doing something obvious and showing my hand not a little, but a lot.
Yes, our first review of the season is a movie that had every reason to go right, but went horribly, horribly wrong. It's fascinating to see just what havoc was wrought from Exorcist II: The Heretic, but folks... you're going to find out. Stay tuned for more unspeakable horror (not to mention bad puns and lame jokes) from WorldsGreatestCritic.com and The 2009 Summer of Horror!!! (6.6.9)
Pixar, baby! It's the closest thing to a Magic Word in Hollywood.
They've yet to disappoint, so why waste time with a lengthy introduction?
Let's let Up up speakfor itse-
SQUIRREL!
(06/01/2009)
Here's a film I've been looking forward to for quite some time... which possibly gave me a bit more of a let-down than it could have been. Trust me, it's a big surprise for me to be disappointed in any movie that features our favorite Fake Shemps!
What's more, audiences and critics may be mixed on this one (as am I), but the overall opinion appears to be positive.
Let's see what you think... Check out my review for Drag Me to Hell and let me know if the title may just as well be a fulfilling prophecy for your writer here!
(05/30/2009)
INDIE INTERLUDE: Okay, it's not exactly The Office in any incarnation, but then again, the creators of the independent short One Day Seminar don't have a weekly sitcom (or even britcom) budget. Keep that in mind when you check out One Day Seminar, the little Independent Short Flick that may not be perfect, but does manage to be funny in a unique way! (May 29, 2009)
Day after Day we're one step closer to... JUDGEMENT DAY!
As the 25th anniversary of Terminator rolls around, we get our first solid look at the world after Judgement Day along with the Heroic JOHN CONNOR and the new Warrior named MARCUS WRIGHT right along side a young KYLE REESE... but all that is filtered through a Lens of a guy who makes his movies look more like commercials for movies.
Still, there's a lot to enjoy in T4: Terminator Salvation!
(05/22/2009)
Hey there you HEADBANGING METALHEADS!
YOU WANTED THE BEST AND YOU GOT THE BEST! THE HOTTEST BAND IN THE LAND... ANVIL!
Yeah!... Anvil! Heard of them? Yeah, well, me either.
In fact, they've been around for over 30 years without breaking up... and still even their biggest fans haven't heard much from them in a while!
But that's being rectified pretty quickly by the documentary that is sweeping the indie film circuit: Anvil! The Story of Anvil! Quite a title, no? It's as heavy as its subject. BANG YOUR HEAD! (05/18/2009)
It's been almost four years since I've reviewed an episode of Lost mainly because every episode gets Five Stars anyway! But with all this Star Trek talk, I had to do it! Plus, it gives me an excuse to post more photos of Yunjin Kim! I have to tell you, I need to review this show more often because after having taken THIS LONG, I was way more long winded than usual.
Take a No-Doze, then check out my review for the two-part Fifth Season Finale of Lost! It's episode 5.16, and it's entitled "The Incident"! And yes, it's great! (Stardate: 20090516)
Star Trek Watch: Have you seen this awesome show featuring a hero and a villain travelling back in time, causing ripples in time and causing things to go horribly wrong? The good guys must fight to keep all their friends from dying as a big, honkin' ship waits just near them to destroy their very land.
Nope, not talking about Star Trek! That's the plot of the current season of LOST! But seeing as how the guys who make LOST also made the new Star Trek, we'll let that slide, right?
I'm glad to say that the many reasons I worried about this film being disappointing were largely not issues. Oh, I was disappointed in OTHER ways, but, hey... luckily the film is pretty damned good, regardless. See what I mean, read my review for Star Trek! (Stardate: 20090508)
Star Trek Watch: It's almost here! Star Trek, the prequel to The Original Series and, in fact, the saga at large. How the makers of LOST handle such a lofty goal remains to be seen (but it WILL be seen tonight!). High hopes abound. But until then, enjoy the existing WorldsGreatestCritic.com Star Trek reviews:
Enjoy... The Review for Star Trek (2009) is coming soon! (Stardate: 20090507)
He's the BEST at what he does... and what he does never involves trimming his sideburns!
Those of you dying (in some cases, literally) to discover the true history of Wolverine... email me, I'll recommend some comics.
For those of you who want the quick, easy and condensed story packaged in a fun, but lacking popcorn movie and are willing to ignore lapses in logic and continuity, may I recommend you check out X-Men Origins: Wolverine! (May 04, 2009)
Even though I was dramatically unenthusiastic about the last collaboration between Kiefer and Reese I reviewed, I'm giving some huge thumbs up to their latest work in the animated flick Monsters Vs. Aliens, which features the best looking woman in 3-D since My Bloody Valentine! For those of you who have only dreamed of SURFING with the Alien... here's my contribution! Don't miss Monsters Vs. Aliens, if at all possible, in IMAX 3D! HUZZAH! (May 03, 2009)
INDIE INTERLUDE: The time has come once again to enter the Realm of Never which means, I suppose, that the Moratorium is over!
This time we take a step into "THE UNIDENTIFIED CRAFT" to see what beauties await us at the end of our experiment. But before I dare say something like "Only what you bring with you!" I need to ask... does this Anagram make me look Fat?
Don't Miss The Realm of Never: The Unidentified Craft! (April 27, 2009)
Everyone knows I tend to review the Ultra-Indies (though I'm running way behind, guys). Here's something I almost never do. In fact, it's only the second time ever. I'm talking about reviewing a fan-edit of an existing film. This time, we're looking at Dead Silence and its re-edited version, humbly entitled Dead Silence: The Perfect Cut. Enjoy it, knowing that I speak from the heart... not the gut!
(April 20, 2009)
Well another April Fool's day came and went, so it's back to more reviews. Tonight, it's a 1983 mid-range low-budget horror flick called One Dark Night and NO, it doesn't feature an appearance by The Joker, but Batman does pop up in a scene or two, I kid you not, True Believers.
Say, my last movie review was Night Before the Wedding, wasn't it? Say, Branin, with this recent crop of BAD HORROR REMAKES, I'm thinking One Dark Night is due for a re-imagining! I can see it now: One Dark Night Before the Wedding! You thought you were in for a standard bachelor party, but Adam, wait until you find yourself bound and gagged in a Mausoleum! Don't miss "One Dark Night Before the Wedding"! (April 05, 2009)
Well, these financial times have been rough on all of us, including, unfortunately, WorldsGreatestCritic.com! Yes, folks, I regret to inform you that I've been foreclosed upon and am now 40% owned by you, the Taxpayer... but I think if you'll read This Announcement, you'll see that one way or the other, we're doing just fine! (April 01, 2009)
INDIE INTERLUDE: You may have read about my misadventures during the Night Before the Wedding Fundraiser. Well, little did I know, I actually had it easy. See, my Advance Copy was just received and MAN, do these guys party hard. Luckily, the film never ceases to be really good, and more than meets the synopsis! You're Invited to check out my review of The Night Before The Wedding, this time for REAL! (March 28, 2009)
And now for something weirder... which is a tall order considering the content of this site... wow.
How about a Scary Kids' Movie that is actually VERY scary!
Sink your needles in all three dimensions into Coraline!
Be careful what you wish for!
(March 23, 2009)
Happy St. Patrick's Day everybody!!!
But enough about my Heritage!
Every Friday the 13th, I review another entry into the greater Friday the 13th series, which, as always, I did this time out! So what new movie should I see on Friday the 13th? How about the remake of the film that launched the career of the director of the first ever Friday the 13th flick?
Yeah, I'll admit, that's a stretch, even for me!
But that's what I did... and I had my only daughter right there with me! Dick move? Perhaps! But when watching a flick like The Last House on the Left, trust me, I wouldn't want her ANYWHERE else!
(Tuesday the 17th
of March 2009)
Well, it's Friday the 13th again and you know what that means! Yes ma'am, it's time to review yet another Jason Voorhees flick... You ever wonder what I'm going to do when I run out? Stay tuned!
This year we have three Fridays the 13th and for the first time in a long time, two in a row. We already reviewed the most recent flick (the Friday the 13th remake on its release day, but are more firsts than just that event (dubious though that may have been). This next film was released on DVD to coincide with the release of the remake, for the first time in its originally intended 3-D version. This was the first Friday flick released in DVD and it was the first time we saw our evil anti-hero in his now-famously infamous Hockey Mask!
Yep, though it was the third film, Friday the 13th part 3-D was packed with many firsts, and for my second Friday review (of three) for 2009, I've reviewed the third flick for the first time... in all three dimensions! Mask Up and enjoy! (Friday the 13th
of March 2009)
After all the false starts, law suits and promises, the filmed adaptation of the most celebrated (and, I would say, best) Graphic Novel of all time has finally debuted in theatres. I'll say this flat out... it's one for the masses! But is that a good thing?
Take heart before believing the "accuracy" of this film to its source material. That statement is being parroted by the uninformed who have watched the film and claim to know what they're talking about... but I ask you, who watches the WATCHMEN? (03.06.09)
I fully realize that most of you are awaiting the review for a certain much-anticipated movie adaptation based on the greatest graphic novel of all time.
Instead, slooshy my review of a documentary about a woman's quest for answers about Vinyl Siding.
It's called Blue Vinyl... and no, that's not a reference to Doctor Manhattan! (03/05/2009)
Heavens to Mergatroid... I haven't posted a review since Friday the 13th of February 2009! No Oscar commentary, no new Ultra-Indie review, no blockbuster, no bad foreign Horror Flicks. Some of you may even be wondering... is he dead?
Well, as far as I know I'm not. I'll get back to you on that. But with family in town, band practice, work to ignore, Mardi Gras celebrations to partake in and a near endless stream of Ninjas attacking me when I least expect it, my time is sapped.
So, allow me to present unto you the very definition of a WorldsGreatestCritic.com "Stop Gap Measure": Tokyo Mater.
Happy Ash Wednesday, everybody! (02/25/2009)
For the past few years, I've been reviewing a Friday the 13th flick on each and every Friday the 13th, and I will until I run out! (Luckily, there have been more than you know, long before Jason was born, going way, way back to 1911! Look it up!)
Amazingly, this time out, a new Jason Voorhees flick was actually released on Friday, February 13th, 2009. That's the good news...
The bad news is that this Friday the 13th is yet another bad horror remake from the scabs at Splatinum Dooms! Still, your luck hasn't run completely out, as it's not the worst film of its kind (though it can't hold a blown-out birthday candle to My Bloody Valentine 3-D)... Thinking People... just focus on the Gratuities and you'll be fine. Slow-pokes, save the poorly-spelled admonishments emailed in all-caps. You'll only make me laugh.
(Friday the 13th of February 2009)
Two "Bad Horror Remakes" in a row... and neither of them were that bad! So I figure, hell, let's go for a much-anticipated "Bad Horror Sequel" and see if we fare as well.
What am I talking about? Return to Sleepaway Camp, from many of the same people who brought you the original 1983 anti-classic Sleepaway Camp!
Well, so much for Bizarro World, because this one most certainly could bite the cheeks off a salmon. It could suck a duck off a buck. It could lick the white wash off a fence. It could Blow a baloon to Zimbabwe! Ah, what a world, what a world! I'm melting... mel-ting! (02/06/2009)
Well, its been a weird year so far for newly released movies. First My Bloody Valentine 3-D, which should have sucked the sweat off of an Alabama Varsity Football Team at Summer Camp, was released and... wasn't that bad. Now a second potentially "bad horror remake" has been released and it too... is pretty decent. I'm telling you, we're on Bizarro World and 2009 is the year that broke it!
The film is called The Uninvited, a remake of 2003's A Tale of Two Sisters and while it doesn't quite capture the complexity or pace of the original, it's a fairly enjoyable, if flawed, piece of cinema. Tell me, though, seriously, you must have seen the ending coming, right? I didn't, I'm ashamed to say! I think something might be wrong... I'll ask EMPEROR BIZARRO! (01/31/2009)
After the year-endretrospectives, DMOTY Award, DMOTY Tie In and the first review of 2009, I finally get to just ease in and review a film I watched BEFORE I wrote all that other stuff. This one is called Bolt, it's a Disney Animated flick and... yeah, it's in 3-D! I guess this officially puts us on a "3-D Streak"! You guys remember the old WorldsGreatestCritic.com "Streaks" before I made it ridiculous with "Seasons"? Don't get used to this... Seasons will start again this summer! Maybe we can exchange "Streaks" for... Bolts? (01/22/2009)
It's no surprise at all that yet another of my favorite slasher flicks from the bygone, Fangorian era has been remade so early in 2009! I think it's actually a law now that every cult movie must be remade before the year 2012. You'll see more in the coming months, trust me.
The only thing that IS surprising about this is that the remake of My Bloody Valentine does not actually suck used ass. In fact My Bloody Valentine 3-D is actually pretty damned good... for what it is. You may have a slasher of a different mask stalking Valentine's Day this year, but the man in the Gas Mask and Mining Helmet is here now to pick out his favorite hearts and toss them at you in full-on 3-D!
And if you aren't going to see it in 3-D for the horror... see the affect of Three Dimensional rendering on the amazing nudity. I'm going to go see My Bloody Valentine 3-D again for that very purpose. Join me! (01/19/2009)
You know what happens when you time travel naked with party animals? Neither do I, actually... but to fulfill the foretaste and promise of a tie-in review with this year's The Dead Man of the Year 2008 article, here comes another big tribute to the great Stan Winston in the form of one of the most unique and interractive films he was ever involved in. In case the hints didn't hit you square in the jaw (ouch), I'm talking about T2 3-D: Battle Across Time, one of the best theme park shows out there. Over the past decade I've probably seen/ experienced "T23D" somewhere between fifty and a hundred times. If you haven't seen it yet, act fast, it's scheduled to close this year. R*I*P Stan! (01/16/2009)
PS: Perhaps my spreading out this whole "end-of-year" thing over two weeks was rather wise marketing... Is it better than me dropping them all on you at once or worse? You decide!
It's January 11th, 2009, which is pretty much the latest in the year I've posted an end-of-the-year review. But before you body-slam me for that, take note... The Golden Globes that celebrate 2008 come on tonight. I'm not later than the Golden Globes, you goofs! And how about those OSCARS, huh? Those won't be on until... what? Oh, you noticed I've still not posted my Oscar 2007 article, huh? Well... you know what? Cut me some slack, kids, I've got a life, man!
People keep asking me to go out and I'm like "Well... I shouldn't, but..."
You know, I'll bet you people who keep freaking out about this stuff are the same people who couldn't accept the new Darren on Bewitched. Look, he's gone, okay? Get used to the new guy. He's still good, and they're both Dicks, am I right? Man, you're the same kind of people who won't watch Star Trek: The Next Generation because you prefer The Original Series! So what, man? And so what if we've had a bunch of James Bonds... you can't expect Barry Nelson to still be playing the part now. Besides, home dude is an AMERICAN!
I'm sorry... I'm just a little sensitive about being so late in posting the posthumous tribute to the late...
The Dead Man of the Year 2008!
Who is it? Click the link and find out. But if you're hovering over in anticipation, I'll give you a hint... my next review, the review that ties in with The Dead Man of the Year 2008 award will be my first ever review of a Theme Park Attraction.
Oh, what? What, is that too much change for you? You don't like me reviewing a Theme Park Attraction? Then start your own website, man! I'll bet you're one of those people who refused to watch Taxi once it moved to NBC, aren't you? Yeah, and you couldn't handle it when Lionel from The Jeffersons was replaced by Damon Evans, could you? Look, Mike Evans came back to the role later on, man, and Damon was good! I don't care that he wasn't even related to Mike. They both rocked, man! And when Spencer went off the air and came back as Under One Roof with a totally different actor playing Spencer, you freaked out, didn't you? You saw the episodes out of order just like everybody else and you were confused as hell and your head nearly exploded. Hey, we've all been there, but most of us adjusted!
So, you know what? You'll read The Dead Man of the Year 2008AND its theme park attraction review tie in and you'll LIKE IT, man! I'll be walking my greyhound and thinking about the second Mr. Wilson on the Dennis the Menace show. I'm over it, man, I'm over it! (01/11/2009)
Well, folks, it's January 7... meaning I can stop taking comfort in the fact that I'm not really late until after January 7th.
Alternately, you could take comfort in the fact that the guy you're getting reviews and commentary from has a life. Yes, yes! Fear not, the DMOTY awards are coming up, but next on the agenda is yet another slice of WorldsGreatestCritic.comedy in which I continue our year in review.
Enjoy The Inexplicable 8 of 2008 and join me in 8 bigh exclamations of "WTF!!!" Spear and magic...
(01/07/2009)
How can I possibly follow that up, folks?
Maybe with my... SPEAR AND MAGIC-
Okay, I'll stop!
Still reeling from The Top 8 of 2008? Or just bored by it? Well, check out my NEXT Diatribe, which I call The Bottom 8 of 2008! Yeah, predictable, I know! But how better to kick off the new year than with some classic WorldsGreatestCritic.comedy? Check out The Bottom 8 of 2008!
(01/03/2009)
Yo, yo, yo!
Yo, yo, yo!
Over the last three years I've sort of laid all the year end crap on you with one fell blow. This year out of either a unified and brilliant plan or lazy procrastination, I'm throwing out one article at a time for your reading displeasure. And those of you making a face because it's January 3rd (almost) and I'm just now posting the first of the 2008 year in review articles, take a look back at 2005's year in review which didn't see the light of day until January 7, 2006, so... I... used to suck more.
This year I'm a full five days (that's a hundred twenty hours, Smurfs) earlier than I was three years ago, as I debut The Top 8 of 2008! Yes, I wrote this just for you with the power of my SPEAR AND MAGIC HEL-MET!
Spear and Magic Helmet?
SPEAR AND MAGIC HEL-MEEEEEEEET!
Magic Helmet?
MAGIC HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL-MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!
More to come, but for now, dig
The Top 8 of 2008!
Oh, and "Klaatu Barada Nikto!" (01/02/2009)
Happy New Year, everybody!
You long-term readers (at least those of you not currently in straight jackets) are probably looking for the standard WorldsGreatestCritic.com year-end articles. The Best, Worst and WTF, the Dead Man of the Year Award and the first kick-off, tie-in review of the New Year.
Well, I haven't finished all that yet... but it's coming! I'm not slacking off!
So until those trickle in, why not whet the old appetite-bone with a retrospective of my retrospectives, going all the way back to 2005 (remember how young you were then?).
The Retrospectives:
Just consider this the Kneumsi equivalent of one of those lame-ass clip shows or just another of the endless Reruns you avoid like the Dregs!
Enjoy and, again, Happy Nude Year! (01/02/2009)
Merry New Year's Eve Eve Eve, Eva! That is, if your last name is Mendez.
You know what that means, True Believers? It means that I couldn't be push, pulled or dragged away from theatres on the weekend that Will Eisner's The Spirit was released! Yeah, I realize it opened at Number Nine with a very minor Box Office Take over the Holiday Weekend. Yeah, I realize that a lot of critics and viewers have been remarkably derisive of this film. Yeah, it's not for everybody. However, if you True Believers are, in fact, True Believers, then The Spirit might be right up your Alley! Trust me, this one is underrated! (12/29/2008)
Merry Christmas Eve, everybody... and third day of Chanukah and...
You know, at WorldsGreatestCritic.com, everyone's welcome, so you fill in the occasion!
Also at WorldsGreatestCritic.com, for the last three years Christmas has meant something else, namely The Christmas Turkey!!!
As you settle into your hope (or family's home) with your family and friends you can thank Santa Claus that the place isn't haunted... like the (none-too-familiar) abode in The 2008 Christmas Turkey: The Amityville Curse! Not much yuletide spirit in that place. Or spirit of any kind!
And since 'tis the season, why not revisit some of my earlier Christmas Themed reviews and feast your Holiday-wearied eyes on some of our previous years' favorites like:
Enjoy and, again, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and more! (12/24/2008)
"Klaatu Barada Nikto!"
What? It's not like I didn't warn you.
But seriously, moving on from that, it's time for something completely different... but, interestingly enough, not better.
Yes, yet another of my favorite comic characters gets the business in this recent Marvel production. Strangely enough, Punisher: War Zone does follow the comics its based on to a decent degree and features a lead actor that does the Punisher justice... or tries to.
The end result is an absolute mess hardly worth the wasted bullets.
Oh, and save it, fan boys. I'm twice the fan you are and I've actually had sex. (12/19/2008)
"Klaatu Barada Nikto!"
Yes, folks, that's something I won't be able to stop doing for the rest of the year... Lucky for you that's like two weeks away.
Interestingly enough, in the 2008 remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still, they use the phrase much less than I have over the last three days. In fact, it only pops up once.
In all honesty, I liked the film, but even with its (often buried) good intentions, it can't stand up to The Original 1951 Classic!
But for Whoreywood Blockbuster Remakes of killer films, the good news is that you could do worse than The Day the Earth Stood Still! Okay, ready? Everybody say it with me!!!
"Gort! Klaatu Barada Nikto!"
(12/14/2008)
Okay, ladies and germs, I'm back again and delivering unto you yet another classic. This warning comes not from the FUTURE (see the Thanksgiving Turkey below), but from OUTER SPACE! And this... is how the message ran:
The Day the Earth Stood Still is one of the all time classics of Science Fiction. I'll let it speak for itself until the remake hits tomorrow... but before I turn it over to ol' "Klaatu Carpenter", I can't resist the urge to say this just one more time:
"Gort! Klaatu Barada Nikto!"
(12/11/2008)
Happy... um... whenever this is. You may have noticed I haven't posted any new reviews since Thanksgiving and you may be wondering "Where'd that Psycho go?"
Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't pretend you're not out there, I've had 25,148 readers so far this month.
Anyway, I won't get too deep into what I've been up to, but you can all take a look at one of them. The band I recently joined played their first show with me on Bass this past Friday and I've loaded videos from that performance onto YouTube.
You can check out our versions of "Drive", "Good Riddance (Time of your Life)", "Everything You Want", "With or Without You", "One", "Cinnamon Girl", "Mary Jane's Last Dance", "You Wreck Me", "Brown Eyed Girl", "Story of my Life", "Clocks" and even "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" in the player below. That's me in the back jumping up and down with my Bass Guitar to be seen.
Many have asked me the question: "If you know music so well, can you actually PLAY music?" Ha ha ha! Now I can, beyond any shadow of a doubt assure you that the answer... is no. Enjoy... if you can. (12/10/2008)
Happy Thanksgiving, every Smurf! And you know what that means... I'm hours overdue, but here it is:
In 1984 there was released a sequel with no prequel with the tagline of "Be thankful it's not you he's after!. Yes... On this day of Thanksgiving, you should be Thankful that I watched this Thanksgiving Turkey and you didn't have to!
Yes, folks, the 2008 Thanksgiving Turkey is here, folks... and it's The Executioner, part II!
This year we go way back to take you way forward. It's disturbing, but you'll love it (or hate it). (Thanksgiving Day: 11/27/2008)
Happy Thanksgiving Week, everybody... More reviews are on the way (especially for you TURKEY LOVERS), but for now, how about a new video? Edited and largely shot yesterday (11/23/2008), this is the first video featuring the World's Greatest Critic's Greyhound Novara. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm now one of those "Dog Owners", but check it out... it's funny! (11/24/2008)
Well, folks, I went to see the new James Bond flick this weekend and I was excited to see that, Star Trek trailer was also released this past weekend right there on the Bond print!
Folks, I've got to say, I'm still waiting to be impressed. Fans were concerned with the first teaser that depicted the Enterprise being built on Earth, which is in violation of known Canon. But this new Enterprise is VERY different from the original. Of all the things I didn't think they'd change, the Enterprise was the top of the list. Even if they made it look less like a model, I thought for SURE they'd at least keep the design the same. Of course, "Entertain Me Weakly" has decided that this is "cool", so they're acting like it's accurate, saying "Kinda looks like the old one, huh?" Yeah... uh... "KINDA" is right. I thought Abrams was going to make sure this all fit, but he's as deluded as ever, saying "If you're going to do the ENTERPRISE, it better look like the ENTERPRISE, because otherwise, what are you doing?" My sentiments exactly! But for a Franchise that seems to STILL be getting it right, get a lod of James Bond 22: Quantum of Solace, which still manages to be damn good. Daniel Craig wouldn't screw up the Enterprise... that is, unless it crossed him on his PATH OF REVENGE! (11/17/2008)
Fashion Models, Witchcraft, creepy, prune-like old guys in see-through robes, short, mannish women wearing nothing at all and Lesbian Twins! It's called Virgin Witch... it's hot for all the right reasons and scary as hell for all the wrong reasons... many of which just happen to be the SAME reasons. (November 16, 2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: Pull up your Barstool for the Western Thrill Ride called Cowboy Smoke... You'll be glad you did! (November 09, 2008)
HAPPY HALLOWEEN, Everysmurf! Time to tread back to the known and do what we do on WorldsGreatestCritic.com every year on Halloween, that being... reviewing yet another MICHAEL MYERS flick... that is, until we run out. We've laid Halloween I, Halloween II, III, 4 and 5, not to mention Halloween the 2007 Remake to rest between 2004 and 2007... now it's 2008 and it's time to close the book on the first Halloween Series with Halloween 666: The Curse of Michael Myers, which leaves only two flicks (to date) left to review.
Say, anybody notice that the Halloween sequels and the Pink Panther Sequels all had a Return, Revenge and Curse? Could Michael Myers actually be... THE PHANTOM? Nah! He's Clouseau!!! Happy Halloween True Believers! Watch out for The Shape... you know he's returning for at least two waterlogged, resurrected Halloweens right here... on WorldsGreatestCritic.com! (but first... read about Halloween 6!) (HALLOWEEN DAY, 2008)
Ah... Halloween comes EARLY this year with... yet another retread of a...
Look, folks, I'm sorry, I know I both praise and condemn Exploitation Flicks (for some of the same reasons), but I had hoped like the mom on thirtysomething to avoid seeing Saw V... but, you know, you're trapped at Tustin Marketplace while your PT Cruiser is being repaired and you've already bought your costume, along with a few completely unnecessary impulse buys (kids, I don't even play Golf... why do I need a set of clubs monogrammed with YODA's name?) and you've got time to waste, so you do... you waste it... with Saw V!
Should I saw "For Fans Only"? Probably not. I'm a fan and... damn! (10/26/08)
Ladies, Ladies, Ladies (see, in my mind, all my readers are attractive, athletic young women) are you ready for some ITALIAN SCHLOCK? Well, how about some SCHOCK instead?
Yeah, "Schock" [sic]! Or, as it was known in the goode olde You Ess of Aaaaaaaay: Shock!
Well, it was also known as "Beyond the Door II", but, we won't hold that against it. Horror Fans should be jazzed at the inclusion of one name: "BAVA"! Those easily irritated might be turned off by the inclusion of "Some Annoying Kid!" But damn...
Just remember this... Nothing's Shocking! (10/20/08)
Well, loyal readers, it's 10/13, which means, of course, it's time for an X-Files review to say Happy Birthday to Dana Scully and Chris Carter both!
Unlike most years, we've already had an X-Files Movie, so it's time for something different. And folks, when it comes to both X-Files and Something Different, only two words spring to mind:
JOSE CHUNG!!!
And that's obvious!
But here at WorldsGreatestCritic.com, we never go for the Obvious... so instead of a review of From Outer Space, sink your nicotine-stained Alien Teeth into the Millennium Episode entitled "Jose Chung's 'Doomsday Defense'"! You won't regret it... unless you're... TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET!!! (10/13/08)
Folks, I can't get enough of The Evil Dead! I love that movie... and the guys who made it love me (see my Feedback page for details on that)!
Yep, the only thing The Evil Dead could use more of is... sequels... and we're getting them, starting in the year of our Lord, 2011!
But in Italy, following in that arcane, nonsense tradition of unofficial sequels, there are already a ton of sequels to those films (released around "the Boot" as the "La Casa" series). The first of these, following hard upon Evil Dead II, was called, obviously, La Casa 3! Unfortunately, it sucks more than the vacuum cleaner it would take to clean up La Titular Casa! Yeah, it's bad... Folks, if you read this review and still find yourself excited enough to seek out and view La Casa 3, I've got five words of advice for you: Tums, Tums, Tums, Tums, TUUUUUUUUUUMS! (10/09/08)
I am, and have been, somewhat concerned about the fact that Assassin Robots from the Future have been sorely overlooked in the safety features of the new VOLVO!
But it's time to take my mind off of that and focus on a film that has nothing to do with such a disturbing subject: House of Whipcord! (10/03/08)
Years ago when I was acting in an annual "Terror Show", a couple I met there went all Goth and got married. When they had their first kid, they pierced his ear, gave him an inverted crucifix on a rosary and planned his first tattoo.
Admittedly it's been a while since I've seen them, but I've little doubt that as soon as the kid grew teeth they would be giving him some fake fangs.
2008's Dark CGI comedy called Igor might not be for everyone, but I'm thinking that this would be right up the collective alley of that little Goth family back home. Technically I could probably look them up and get back in touch with them, but... why? I'll just watch Igor again instead. (09/30/08)
Tribute:
Rest In Peace Jennifer Canzoneri Only the GOOD die young! FundingForJen.com
(09/27/08)
Ah! GREECE! What do you think of when you think of Greece? History? Gyros? Goofy English Guys in cheap Halloween Costumes worshipping twenty foot mobile Chia pets? Yeah, I know... it's like... "WHAT?"
But that's the basic premise of Land of the Minotaur, one of the milder of the 1970s Satanism Shockers. It's not so much "Land of the Bull-Man" as it is "Land of the Bullshit!" (09/26/08)
INDIE INTERLUDE: Yes, folks, to go hand in hand with my article "How to Submit your Film for Review on WorldsGreatestCritic.com", how about a new review of a new Independent film, newly submitted to me by an old name on this site. That's right, Ed Radmanich III is back, new and improved with the effects-heavy Ultra Indie called Coldspot!
Though this is a sequel to 2005's Artie Saves the Hood, Coldspot is a full length feature with a much more serious tone. Also separating it from its predecessor is the fact that it's just packed with beautiful women! Thank you, Artie! Check out Coldspot! (09/23/2008)
Since 2005, Independent Filmmakers, whom I affectionately refer to as "The Ultra Indies" have asked me to review their films. I respond, offer my list of Caveats, they agree, I offer the address, they send the movie and a-blah, blah, blah! YACKETY SCHMACKITY!
So how about I streamline the whole process by slapping it all up on one page. So, without any further ado (and let's face it, there's a butt-load of "Ado" around here), let's get to my new informative article about "How to Submit your Film for Review on WorldsGreatestCritic.com"
(09/23/2008)
Man, I love California. Take this recent Saturday when I found myself roaming around Newport Beach.
There I am in my convertible with my new hollow-bodied ArtCore guitar, just loving life, so I cruise to the beach near the Balboa Pier, cop a lovely spot in the sand and just play that sweet guitar purely acoustic along the water, watching the tide roll away. As I cruised back to my cruiser and chilled out a while with the top down, I looked up and found that I was docked at the Marina, which meant that I was, quite literally, "sittin' on the dock of the bay, wastin' time!"
So I told Mrs. Garmin, my trusty GPS, to find me the nearest movie theatres, and the Lido looked groovy, so I headed that way, arriving at about 3:00, discovering that the next showing was at 3:15. This seemed like a sign to me, so I ponied up to the round window and shouted "One Please."
Naturally, this is the way it is because of the type of theatre the Lido is... This is one of those classic, old theatres one rarely sees in operation, anywhere but in a beach city. The kind with the big marquee and the Oval Shaped Box Office set out front, separate from the rest of the building. Walking in was a joy, too, because the entire place was ornate and beautiful. Still classic, but so well-kept it appeared that one wasn't entering a modern theatre, but stepping back in time a few decades. I was elated over the fact that there was actually a curtain over the screen.
Cruising upstairs to visit the Men's Room (I hate eating finger-food like Popcorn without the chance to first wash my hands... and I didn't want to miss out on Popcorn in a theatre like this), I discovered that there was actually a Balcony in the place, so I copped my spot on the second floor of that beautiful California Theatre in beautiful Southern California.
Sometimes it's best to stop and smell the roses and find big smiles in simple things...
Or stop and smell the Vinyard as the case may be... because the film I saw was also a film about California... well, Northern California.
It's called Bottle Shock, and it's all about yet another of my favorite things... Wine. Uncork it and drink it in, my friends. It's a beautiful day! (09/15/2008)
So, what did you folks think of The Mist? Love it? Hate it? Love the ending, hate the film? Well, if you're like me, you love the film and aren't too crazy about that Darabont-Insisted ending. Well, if you're like me and like artist Kevin Karstens. Karstens' love for the original story and appreciation for the 2007 film let him to re-edit The Mist into a new version, much more like the original novel. It's appropriately called The Mist - The Novella Cut and the results? Quite stylish! What's more, he's doing it for love of the story, not in any way for Profit. Check out my review of The Mist - The Novella Cut and pay ol' Kevin a visit while you're at it. But beware the oncoming storm. (09/09/2008)
Of all the Summer Blockbusters and Big Sequel movies of 2008, one has been conspicuously absent. Let's see, we've had Star Wars: The Clone Wars, The X Files: I Want to Believe, The Dark Knight, Wall*E, The Incredible Hulk, The Happening, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Speed Racer and even Iron Man!
What'd we miss? Oh, yeah, one of the flicks I was SURE to review on opening day... Hellboy II: The Golden Army!
Look, folks, I've got a really good excuse... My wife wanted to see it, hadn't seen the first one, wanted to see both, had a schedule as busy as mine and... well... luckily last weekend we were able to watch both Hellboys and their animated counterparts...
How's the schedule now? Well, I'm posting this on September 7th, when we actually watched the film on August 30th... what's that tell you?
But, hey, it's up now, so enjoy my review of Hellboy II: The Golden Army, while I sluff off my yearly August literary lethargy... yeah, don't pretend like you didn't notice!
(09/07/2008)
You guys still awake?
You might not be after this next review...
Reaching way back to 1984, before ol' Marty McFly even headed back to the Fifties to escape Libyan Terrorists, a completely different kind of threat hit middle America... The film was called Mutant, but, really... it was about Zombies.
And for those of you Dick Clark fans, step up to the band stand for this one, because he was the uncredited Co-Producer... for some reason.
(09/02/2008)
Fear Not, True Believers, more reviews of both good and bad movies will be appearing shortly.
What follows is NOT a movie review, but a recap of one of my recent party escapades at a fundraiser FOR a movie that I will one day soon review:
David Branin's The Night before the Wedding!
Support it, believe in it, drink Pura Casta to it... or just laugh at yet another of my misadventures with
The Party Before The Night Before The Wedding!
(08/28/2008)
Ah, yes, a new Star Wars movie... more proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!
Yesterday my family and I watched both seasons of the previous Clone Wars television show, then headed out to the midnight premeire of my most anticipated movie of the year:
Star Wars: The Clone Wars!
Was it great? Yeah, it was! But I'm a little disturbed by the fact that apparently I now speak Huttese. Seriously, man... I was able to translate without subtitles. I feel like such a poodoo slaymo! (08/15/2008)
On the subject of remembering that it could be worse, let's roll on back to those bygone years when a little lame company called TROMA was still trying like mad to be a legitimate, mainstream company (albeit a silly one). And to think that at the same time they would release a bus station seat cushion stain like
Fortress of Amerikkka! Talk about missing the point, man. Talk about Cheap.
It's like my dad, man. Growing up, the guy wouldn't spend a dime! I mean my dad would buy ONLY what was on sale! We lived at the day old bread store! $200,000 a year and we're at the "Eat it it's Green!" bread store! What the hell? Twinkies that crunched, man! And the cereal! A part of the box ripped out you could see the bag! The friggin Cap'n Crunch riddle already figured out on the back! Secret Decoder Ring in some dead language... it was incredible! He just broke down and started buying the generic stuff that didn't even have a box... just those sticky rubbery knockoffs! Puffed Riceys, Vomitous Mass Flakes, Cow Chips... You get the idea. The man had 8 cars and that's what we ate for breakfast! He would buy balogna on sale and then freeze it! He could live forever without shopping! Any time he got fresh vegetables he's freeze them too! It was incredible! Ziplock (or their generic counterpart) bags full of some red liquid that once was a tomato, for example! And then we'd eat balogna sandwiches! They'd be frozen in the middle! I asked him once for a pair of shoes... he took us to the largest shopping center in the state and I asked him for a pair of shoes and he said that wasn't what this was about! He actually brought us to a town in which every place was a store (a 3 hour drive mind you) and he bought NOTHING! Every store he said "We're just looking." Huh? When we got back to town damned if he didn't buy a new... helicopter or something... it was incredible!
But if you think that's Cheap and Missing the Point, then you should watch Fortress of Amerikkka which will re-define both points for you quite nicely, thank you very much.
Okay, okay, okay, I take it back! NOTHING should make you watch Fortress of Amerikkka! NOTHING!
(08/12/2008)
The week The X-Files: Fight the Future came out in theatres was the week I got married. Now, it's 10 years later and there's a new X-Files movie... and I'm still married to the same woman.
The week The X-Files: I Want to Believe was released in theatres was the week we moved into our first house as home owners. (Moving is hell, so forgive me for not having a new review up for ten days.)
I can only hope that this one is successful, because if there's a third film... I'm thinking we'll... win the lottery or something.
But until then, enjoy the 2008 release of The X-Files: I Want to Believe, and I'll see you in the next reel.
(I don't even play the Lottery!)
(07/28/2008)
You may all hate me for this one... I'm not sure I'm a big fan of myself for it, either... but hear me out before casting the stones at your Joking Critic... The Dark Knight... good... not quite great. Aw, man, I can practically SMELL the hate mail (07/18/2008)
So, what's next on the agenda for WorldsGreatestCritic.com, now that we're breaking from seasons and can review anything I want?
Why, bad Italian Horror movies, of course. Incidentally and speaking of, I noticed a while back that some reader added a link to this site on to Wikipedia's article on "Cult Movies" (no, it wasn't me). Then I noticed this week somebody took that link off. Like there's any crazier Cult site than this one.
Well, Wiki-haters, I condemn you all to...
The Other Hell (07/16/2008)
I'm sure both my readers are wondering... what's the next season?
Okay, readership has been huge... I guess I can't refer to "both" my readers anymore when readership is in the tens of thousands...
Anyway, what's the next season? Well, to paraphrase Cedric the Entertainer... "Ain't no more seasons. Just Mashed Potatoes and Corn!"
Or, to paraphrase Dave Chappelle, "It's not a new Season... it's just REGULAR-ASS KNEUMSI!"
But, true to form, I will now link my Year of the Unseasonal (ah, shit, now I've given it a name) to my last Season with... a Hunter S. Thompson documentary.
Suck up to Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride: Hunter S. Thompson on Film. Take what you've been given and like it, pink boy! (07/13/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: Here's a secret I haven't kept too well for the last 24 hours... today is the last day of 2008's Indie and Spring! We ran exactly from 04/07/08 to 07/04/08... there's such Balance on this site! Yep... The end of the Season of Independents takes place... on Independence Day... And you wondered what was with the little Alien Dude in front of the American Flag! Nothing celebrates the American, Independent Spirit like Independent Films! Which makes it all the more ironic that the only 5 star review of the season was a flick from Hungary!
Okay, back to the lack of surprises... Would you believe that the final review of Indie and Spring would be yet anothe rin the fractured Documentary Streak? You would, huh? Ah, but would you believe that this one is actually an independent documentary about... Hunter S. Thompson? No surprises there either, huh? Okay, this one isn't exactly about Hunter, though he does play an instrumental role in this film's document of American Justice lost and American Justice regained!
Check out Free Lisl - Fear and Loathing in Denver for the rest of the story.
Happy Fourth of July, everyone! Celebrate Independence Day and Independent's Day.
USA
USA
USA
USA
USA
USA
USA
(07/04/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: Well, we're still here on Independents Day. No, that's not a misprint... I'm closing out the season of Independent Films on Independence Day! Anybody else going to miss Indie and Spring! Make a film, you will.
Chris Hansen has, in fact this, the second-to-last flick of Indie and Spring, is his second film to be featured on WorldsGreatestCritic.com!
It's called Clean Freak... and it's not exactly what I'd call... a dirty movie.
(07/04/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: Happy 4th of July, 2008, everyone. What better way to celebreate the 232nd anniversary of the founding of our great nation (not to mention the end of the Season of Seasons and Indie and Spring), than with an All-American, Southern Fried Indie Flick (from a very unlikely source).
Yes, folks, today is the last day of the season... What better day to end the season on which I celebrate Independent Films than INDEPENDENCE DAY?
Do what you want today... I'm hanging out with Adam and Angelina at the... Bowlin' Alley!
(07/04/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: I launched 2008's Indie and Spring with Cannibal Flesh Riot, a film that had been sent to me nearly a year prior.
As I prepared to close out 2008's Indie and Spring (last day is tomorrow, folks), I couldn't fail to review a film called Awaken the Dead which, like Cannibal Flesh Riot seemed like a movie that would be right up my alley... and hey, I wasn't sent that movie all that long ago, was I?
Then I looked up the contact email... which was sent on Saturday, August 04, 2007. I... I suck. So much for me being a "Friend to the Indies". Sigh, read about Awaken the Dead, a film that was not yet released when I received the screener... but is now available on DVD. Go get Awaken the Dead!
(07/03/2008)
The Summer Season is upon us... which means I'd better close out the Spring Reviews, huh?
Anyway, before we get into the new Star Wars and X-Files movies, there's another curious little Science Fiction Gem that I simply love... it's called WALLˇE and it's from the one studio that has yet to throw a Misfire. Thank you, Pixar! (06/29/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: Yep, we've got a bit of Indie and Spring 2008 to get through before we're done... yeah, I know, I know it's Summer... but this just means you get MORE of those Ultra Indie Reviews that you can't read anywhere else.
This time, we're talking about D.O.D.: Dead on Delivery, by Damien Sage.
Yeah, go figure, this season I get to review films by a guy named "ATTILA" AND a guy named "DAMIEN". Let's hope I didn't piss these guys off!
So, how is D.O.D.: Dead on Delivery? Does Damien Sage of the Clan Sage give us a Delivery that is Dead-On? Read The Review and find out!
(06/25/2008)
My wife's favorite actor is Robert Downey, Jr., which made the fact that his latest flick Iron Man was released on her Birthday all that much cooler.
Cooler than that was the related film that came out on our 10th Anniversary, also featuring Robert Downey, Jr. (this time in a brief cameo)...
Yep, I'm talking about The Incredible Hulk, featuring our favorite Emerald Gladiator, Green Goliath, Olive Onslaught, Seafoam Superhero... I... I'd better stop.
The Hulk on the other hand... is unstoppable!
(Monday the 16th of June 2008)
Well, another year, another Friday the 13th! That means it's time for yet another Jason Voorhees review.
But which one this time (since I threw the "order" of these flicks out the door a long time ago!)?
During Operation Sci-Fall 2006 I reviewed the one Sci-Fi entry into the series and during The Winter of Wit, I reviewed the funniest one in the series. How to handle a Friday the 13th during Indie and Spring?
And this is no ordinary Friday the 13th either. For the first time in years, Friday the 13th actually falls on Jason's own Birthday (June 13, 2008 would be his 62nd birthday... and he looks TERRIBLE for his age). It's also my 10th Wedding Anniversary.
So, how about we review the one movie that attempted to explain Jason, from birth to rebirth? How about we review the first Jason movie since the change of hands from Paramount to New Line (formerly an Independent film house)? Yeah... yeah, I think that'll do nicely. Then I can forget all this and just concentrate on my wife!
And now for a review of a movie that doesn't do at ALL nicely: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday! Burn it up!
(Friday the 13th of June 2008)
Ah, well, another year, another BAD HORROR REMAKE!!!
Yeah, this year even Prom Night gets the business in the new Prom Night, from the writer of The Slayer. What? What, that doesn't make you want to see it?
(06/12/2008)
DOCUMENTARIAN INDIE INTERLUDE During Operation Sci-Fall 2006 there was an entire month during which I didn't post any new Science-Fiction reviews, instead partying and concert-going with my best friend... in short... this little break from Indie and Spring is hardly a ripple in still water.
But back to the independent documentaries... here's one more... relating (mostly) to Hunter S. Thompson, no less, and from the same director as the last Hunter S. Thompson Documentary I reviewed.
This one's called When I Die and it details the final wishes and (lack of) resting place for Doctor Gonzo himself. Check, check, check it OUT!
(06/11/2008)
Hey, I owe you all some more Independent Documentaries, still... WHILE WE'RE YOUNG, right?
In due time, in due time, I say.
You say, "Due Time?" We've already passed the two year anniversary of the beginning of the Summer of Horror... doesn't that mean this whole Indie and Spring thing should be winding down?
Folks, we've got ALL the TIME in the WORLD! We're still young... Here's proof:
Young At Heart, the independent documentary about Old Folks singing Rock!
More Indie and Spring to come... I promise!
(06/07/2008)
HUNGARIAN INDIE INTERLUDE: Methinks I'll put the breaks on Indie and Spring's Documentary Streak, seeing as how more INDIEMENTARIES are rolling in... I'll just pepper them out through the rest of this Eggplant of a Season. Not like I didn't interrupt it anyway with my bizarre inclusion of the latest Indiana Jones flick... don't forget, my rules, I make 'em up!
In the mean time I'd like to introduce you to one of the best independent films and one of the best short films I've ever had the pleasure of reviewing. I tried to think of some reason to give this one less than the full Five Stars, but I simply can't do it. This is a very, very good movie and all five stars are shining.
Check out the Hungarian Ultra-Indie Most látszom most nem látszom (AKA: Now you see me, Now you Don't. But look sharp, if you don't catch that glimpse you might not see it at all.
(05/29/2008)
Happy Memorial Day, everyone. My new video is the story of the dark path Butters Stotch walked down to become Professor Chaos and the Havoc he wrought afterward.
Can the heroic Tweek save the day, or will he have mercy on his friend? (05/26/2008)
INDIANA JONES INTERLUDE: Yeah, this is pretty gosh darned far from being an Independent Film, what with the resources of Lucasfilm, ltd., the distribution of Paramount Pictures and the director's chair of Steven Spielberg... But Indie and Spring's Documentary Streak is taking a break for a celebration of a DIFFERENT kind of Indie... Indy!
Call it Indy and Spring 2008!!! Don't forget, folks, my rules, I make 'em up!
Yes, Yes... It's opening day of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and I've not only seen it, but reviewed it. It's 9:15 AM, folks!
(05/22/2008)
You ever notice how in every video The Bangles' guitarist looks just HUGE, like some massive AMAZON? Well, she's not. Actually, it's because Susanna Hoffs is tiny. Tiny and Hot. Yes, still.
They all, are, actually. Apparently, so am I because some guy decided to get a little fresh at the show. I like feel this pressure on my shoulder and I look over to see what it is and it's HALF OF SOME GUY'S FACE! Realizing my shoulder's being kissed, I step forward, turn and wave a dismissive hand, mouthing the word "No!". That'd do it, right? After all, I was at Gay Pride, so the assumption was valid enough, I guess. Presumptuous as hell (even if I was gay, what makes this dude so sure I would've been interested?), but valid. And not being a homophobe of any kind I figured, hell... let it go. Till the dude put his hands around my waist.
A more vehement "No!" was the result.
Ladies, ladies, ladies of all kinds, if I ever came on too strong, I sincerely apologize. Not that I didn't know how it felt before, but I guess I needed a reminder.
But... it didn't ruin my enjoyment of seeing
The Bangles Live at Long Beach Pride! Huzzah!
(05/21/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: Argh! Two Hollywood flicks in a row! Lest we forget that we're still in the midst of Indie and Spring, not to mention in the midst of the DOCUMENTARY STREAK, it's time to get back to it and have another taste of those Indies.
Yes, we're moving on with another Independent Documentary Film, sliding into the fast lane to pass Hunter Weeks in a convertible with Hunter S. Thompson... and the "Taste" in question would be, of course, Breakfast with Hunter. Man, that's one Gonzo meal! Pass the Fear and Loathing!
(05/12/2008)
Any question that Lost has become big enough to work as an obscure reference was dashed last night when I saw a temporarily crippled kid jump up into Matthew Fox's face and scream "Do not tell me what I Can't Do!" in the new movie Speed Racer! I was like "Dude, that's a John Locke reference, isn't it?"
But I digress... Speed Racer! Fast Cars, Faster Cars, even Faster Cars... Good... but not quite great! (05/10/2008)
One would think that with technology incredible enough to allow a pilot to fly without the plane somehow somebody could make Voice Recognition Software that was worth a damn. Look, idiots, if you have to repeat things over and over only to get the faux-friendly voice saying "I didn't get that!", you should seriously consider bringing Touch Tone back.
Well, it seemed to work okay for Tony Stark in the well done comic book adaptation Iron Man! That guy's giving commands like mad and all his robots are just doing it. Hell, he even uses the Voice Dial on his helmet-based Cell Phone and it totally works. That's it, folks, I'm going to go change clothes now. I wonder if ol' Tony has licensed that design for mass market. Either way, check out Iron Man and its review that might take you longer to read than the Novelization. (05/05/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: In fact... let's kick off one of my infamous "Streaks" this time out... who's ready for a Documentary Streak? Well that's what you're getting, starting with 10 MPH, a film about driving cross country on a unique transport very, very, very slowly.
And considering the fact that I was given 10 MPH in MAY of 2007 to review and I'm just now posting it shows you that I, myself, have been going at about 10 MPH when it comes to the Ultra Indies.
Look, folks, those Seventy-Four Reviews from the list of Video Nasties weren't going to write themselves, now were they?
Yes, Yes... Indie and Spring 2008 is all about Atonement!
Check out 10 MPH! Independent at any speed!
(04/30/2008)
Uh... INTERLUDE from the INDIE INTERLUDES... Taking a break from the Socially Conscious films we've just touched upon, let's get right back into the same old WorldsGreatestCritic.com garbage with yet another Zombie Movie... this time: Day of the Dead!
"But, wait!" I can hear you say, "Day of the Dead and all of the Romero Zombie Movies are really quite socially conscious and share a brilliant trend toward satire and global commentary!"
I agree, but this isn't THATDay of the Dead! This is the 2008 Remake Day of the Dead, leaving me to wish for night to fall. Hey, you know what? Romero was originally going to call Land of the Dead "Twilight of the Dead"... why doesn't somebody just make "Dusk of the Dead"? If you don't, I will. Hell, we've already got "Dawn of the Living Dead", "Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane" and "Erotic Nights of the Living Dead"... I'm thinking it's all fair game now. Maybe we can get Marshall Tucker to do the Soundtrack! (04/24/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: I was first turned on to this movie, Train Ride, by a correspondent who shared an admiration for the prolific actress Esther Rolle.
Train Ride was her last screen appearance and she really made it count.
Yes, after all the film and TV she had done, Esther Rolle's last film was an Ultra-Indie. You'll see why she chose to make this movie, too. It was worth her time to make and worth your time to watch.
Train Ride! Catch it!
(04/20/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: First I said I was quitting, then I said I had "Academic Burnout", then I don't post anything for 8 days.
Anybody notice?
No?
Well, notice this, Baystate Blues, COME ON DOWN! You're the next Ultra Indie on Indie and Spring 2008!
Who loves ya?
(04/16/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: You remember back in College when Finals Week would come up and you'd be cramming and cramming and studying and going over notes and pushing gallons of knowledge into your shot-glass sized brain and it all pays off because you do, you know, pretty damned well on your finals but afterward you've got academic burnout to such a degree that the very sight of a math problem or a sentence diagram can send you into a Sonic Tizzy the likes of which haven't been seen since Three's Company got cancelled?
That's kind of me after the Winter of Weird. Hence my nigh-on week off after that April Fool's prank.
So I'm basically kicked back in train stations reading the best of Archie, Jughead, Betty & Veronica, Reggie of Riverdale and Archie's Super Teens! Man, I tell you... this week ol' Arch has to decide whether to fix his Jalopy or lend Juggy some money for a Double Hamburger. What will he choose? Ha, ha, ha!
But back to the Ultra Indies.
Here's a pretty good one from some upwardly mobile Canadian auteur-type guys that have only been waiting for their Independent Flick to be reviewed for two months and change, meaning they have not yet jumped on the "Fuck Kneumsi" bandwagon.
Check out Confusions of an Unmarried Couple, our latest feature in Indie and Spring 2008!
It's a Festival of Funny Dialogue!
Everything's Ar-chieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
(04/08/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: Actually, does it count as an "Interlude" if that's the main path?
Slightly less than a year ago (and I mean... SLIGHTLY less) I was sent a copy of a comedy/ horror short called "Cannibal Flesh Riot" with a request for a review.
I'm a terrible human being and I must pay for my misdeeds.
Featuring the Ultra Indies is what this Season is all about, though, so what better time is there than now to feature this unique film from the surreal mind of Gris Grimley.
As is common, I could use a bridge between this season and last season. What better bridge could there be between the 2008 Winter of Weird and Indie and Spring 2008 than Cannibal Flesh Riot? Oh, and, trust me, folks, it's not what you're thinking. Don't judge and Indie by its title!
(04/07/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: I said I'd give you a day to catch up before I launched the next season... It's been damned near a week. I call that Generous, you call it Lazy!
From just about the beginning of WorldsGreatestCritic.com, Ultra-Independent Film Makers have seen this handmade site and felt enough of a kinship to send me their movies for review. It started out pretty slow, then the flood increased to the point that I have a constantly shifting stack of Indies to review. But I had all these "Seasons" to get through.
Summer of Horror 2006 led to Operation Sci-Fall 2006, which begat Winter of Wit 2007, which overlapped with Spring into Action 2007 which fed the Dog Days of Summer 2007, which kicked off the Video Nasty boom that continued in Fall... in Love with a Video Nasty 2007 and concluded in the 2008 Winter of Weird!
Sure a lot of these seasons did feature an Ultra-Indie or two, but the odds were that if your film didn't fit into these seasons, I wouldn't have time. I suck.
Naturally many Independent Filmmakers have started wondering just who in the name of Timothy Fuck I think I am. So what am I to do? The answer is simple... I'll launch a new season devoted to them specifically, celebrating the Ultra Indies I have reviewed, the Ultra Indies I've been waiting to review and the new Ultra Indies that are being submitted to me right now.
Introducing: Indie And Spring, a celebration of the Worlds Greatest Critic's ULTRA INDIES!
(04/07/2008)
April Fool!
Aw, man! You BOUGHT that? No way! I was just bullshittin'! And you know this... Man! I ain't goin' nowhere!
Oh, what, what, was taking the entire WorldsGreatestCritic.com site down in favor of a heart-breaking Goodbye Note in bad taste? Folks, I'm the guy who put a review of Horton Hears a Who right in between reviews of El Topo and Cannibal Holocaust!
Here, I'll give you a day to catch up on the reviews before I introduce our next season. Welcome back, Cutter!
HAH, "someone else's vision"... really... (April 02, 2008)
Here it is, at long last, the final review of the 2008 Winter of Weird and the final review of the Video Nasties, posted almost four full years afer my first Video Nasty review (which was Zombie Flesh Eaters, incidentally)!
This one (the 55th Video Nasty reviewed, but the 74th posted) plays like a summation of the entire list. It was believed by many to be a real, live Snuff Film (to the point that the director was actually arrested and charged with Murder), it's a Cannibal Film, it features sexualized violence and actual animals killed (horribly)... everything but the Nazis (and I hate Nazis) and its publicity and controversy helped to bring about the Video Nasty Bans in the first place! What's it called? Say it with me:
Cannibal Holocaust! I can think of no better way to sum up the Nasties or the Winter of Weird than this. Be warned... Cannibal Holocaust will not read like a celebration, nor will watching it make you feel particularly good. But it is the last film of this season. The Last Video Nasty on my list and... Well, today is the end of a lot of things.
Cannibal Holocaust... Good Night and Goodbye.
(03/31/2008)
This is our final day of the 2008 Winter of Weird and I still haven't reviewed Horton Hears a Who yet.
As much of a travesty as that is, I can make sure we all avoid another big travesty with the inclusion of this next review... for:
EL TOPO, one of the weirdest films you could ever hope to survive. What would the Winter of Weird be without this one? Of course there are probably many more that you're wondering why I didn't review. Well, there were a lot on the list and it's hard to get to them all. Sorry folks, but today is the very, very last day. Ah, well, enjoy EL TOPO while you can!
(03/31/2008)
How in the WORLD can I possibly follow up a review like the one for Lifeforce?
Why with Faces of Death, of course!
Yes, folks, once more tonight into the Video Nasties, continuing (and, depending on how you look at it... closing) our Reality Streak of the Final Fall of the Video Nasties... which, in turn, is heralding the end of the 2008 Winter of Weird!
Faces of Death is part mockumentary, part documentary, all shockumentary and though it's the 74th Video Nasty review I wrote, it's actually the 73rd Video Nasty posted to this site... which leaves... only one more! Process of elimination will reveal it all, folks, but if you want to be surprised, stay tuned till tomorrow to find out what my 74th and final Video Nasty review will be!
(It's actually the 55th one I wrote!)
Winter of Weird ends tomorrow, along with a great many other things... face their deaths starting with the Video NastyFaces of Death.
(03/30/2008)
How about another WEIRD, but not NASTY entry into the 2008 Winter of Weird, which is almost at its close.
You ever have a movie that everybody tells you is the movie for you, but you've never watched it, and you never knew why? Apparently for me that movie was Lifeforce an incredibly weird movie about Space Vampires invading Earth to create Zombies and have sex. Lifeforce!
If you've ever read any of my reviews, you can see why... this is most assuredly, my movie! The rest of you are probably thinking, dude, he's never watched Lifeforce? Lifeforce!
(03/30/2008)
Just when you thought it was Safe to go back to the What's New page...
I'm throwing more Video Nasties at you. Hey, only three left to go (out of Seventy-Four!!!).
Just as Exposé gave us the realistic story of a quest to snuff out a jackass (and closed the Grindhouse Streak in the process), this next movie gives us a great deal of controversy and protests, not to mention a few hundred urban legends of its own... all the while kicking off our last streak in the Final Fall of the Video Nasties: The Reality Streak.
Here's Snuff, the little movie that would have you believe it's a real snuff film... but if you'll believe that, you'll believe anything!
(03/30/2008)
So much for the (Grind)House Streak. Let's step out of the house and into the woods... in fact, away from the Video Nasties for our next Weird Flick.
If you thought weird films were featured in the 2008 Winter of Weird so far, you haven't seen anything yet. Check out the Action Zombie Thriller known as:
Versus.
That's all I'm saying.
(03/29/2008)
Da "House Streak" is in Da House! The Grindhouse that is! Hey, I should've called it... Da Hizzle Streak... or even... Da Hizzle Streazzle! Yezzle!
Okay, maybe not.
And now, for a SUPER HOT Video Nasty to both continue and conclude our "Hizzle Streazzle"!
The 71st Posted Video Nasty to WorldsGreatestCritic.com is called
House on Straw Hill... but this psychotic hyper-sexualized horror-drama was known in England around the time of its Banning as Exposé! And you'll see why.
After this there are only THREE MORE Video Nasties on the DPP list of 74 to EXPOSE! Bear up with me for them, the next streak and... more weirdness...
(03/29/2008)
The "House Streak" of our 2008 Winter of Weird's Final Fall of the Video Nasties now continues with a truly Ghastly little movie from 1968, dearies, not 1948... or 1868 for that matter... known as Blood Rites in England (where it was Banned for Obscenities), but is known in the land of the Red, White and Blue as The Ghastly Ones!
Don't let the year of release fool you, this is neither the Summer of Love, nor the Prudish Establishment. But... it does suck like an Electrolux.
(03/29/2008)
So, The House on the Edge of the Park both got us clear of our Revenge Streak and opened up for us our next streak... which took a HUGE amount of imagination on my part.
It's the "House Streak"... because they all have to do... with... houses. Yeah, I was up all nigh-, no, wait, WEEK thinking that one up. Man... 2008's Video Nasty Reviews, dude...
With the exception of Tenebrae's shadowy emergence, we started with the Nazisploitation Streak, then hit the Animal Crap streak, then right on into the Cannibal Exploitation streak, flipping squarely into our Slasher Streak, which brought us into our Revenge Streak... and now... "The House Streak".
That's... that's brilliant. How Mensa hasn't drafted me yet is a mystery that the combined skills of Holmes and Poirot couldn't solve.
Ah, forget it... Just read about Madhouse, the next/ first entry into our House Streak!
(03/28/2008)
VENGEANCE IS MINE... for one more review.
Yes, our Revenge Streak of the 2008 Winter of Weird closes with the un-unravelable Epic of Revenge:
The House on the Edge of the Park!
It also sets up our next (admittedly lame) streak, which will slam the door on the Revenge Streak...
So, I guess... VENGEANCE WAS MINE!
(03/27/2008)
Well, this one doesn't compute!
If you thought Viruses were bad, you should check out the next Video Nasty in our Revenge Streak. This one doesn't bother with Viruses... This computer is POSSESSED BY DEMONS!
I wonder if the folks at Norton or McAffee have an upgrade for that!
You might need an upgrade for wackiness, too, though, because this one's about a nerdy kid using his possessed PC to take revenge on the Bullies who hosed him at Military School. And it's NOT by posting nude pictures of their girlfriends on Facebook!
DARE YOU CLICK THIS LINK TO READ ABOUT EVILSPEAK?
(03/27/2008)
Let me take the opportunity that we're in a Revenge Streak to burn off yet another Ilsa movie (of sorts), each of which follow that same old Revenge storyline. It's not a Video Nasty, in fact, if you want to split hairs, it's not even REALLY an Ilsa movie!
It's Ilsa, the Wicked Warden, but was originally known as Greta - Haus ohne Männer and went by such other titles as Wanda, the Wicked Warden, Greta, the Mad Butcher and even The Prison of the Female Perverts (translated from the French)!
Who would stoop so low as to first make an unofficial Ilsa flick (with the same star) and then try to pass his work off as an official entry? Jess Fucking Franco, that's who!
(03/27/2008)
Because Island of Death was kind (or vengeful) enough to break us into our Revenge Streak, we can now continue with another of the most notorious Video Nasties:
I Spit on Your Grave!
If you're not familiar with it, I'll tell you what I told my best friend when she discovered that her sleazy room-mate had a copy... "Don't start with this one!"
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!
(03/26/2008)
What lies beyond the Bay of Blood? The Island of Death, of course!
Yes, Yes, Yes, our Slasher Streak both continues and concludes with a... Greek... Horror... Movie.
A Greek Horror Movie... called Island of Death!
It's a naked romp across the Greek islands that gets totally ruined by murder, bigotry and revenge.
Hey, that means Island of Death also sets up our next streak in the Final Fall of the Video Nasties... The Revenge Streak! Get ready... because the 2008 Winter of Weird is almost at its close!
(03/25/2008)
You may know it as Twitch of the Death Nerve; you may know it as A Bay of Blood; you may know it as Ecologia del delitto; you may have seen movies that have liberally ripped it off... You may not know it at all.
By any name, Reazione a catena is a very influential slasher flick from Clan Bava that deserves its space among the best and most prototypical Slasher/ Splatter movies of all time.
And since it was also Banned in the UK as a Video Nasty (under the title Bloodbath), it's also the next entry in our Slasher Streak... sailing on to the Final Fall of the Video Nasties and the end of our Winter of Weird 2008!
(03/25/2008)
Okay, since I didn't say it before: Boy am I glad I'm finally done with all those horrible Cannibal ExploitationVideo Nasties so that I can finally get back to reviewing all those horrible SlasherVideo Nasties!
Next is a Deep Cut into the Final Fall of the Video Nasties called Nightmare, but perhaps better known, at least in Merry Old England, as: Nightmare in a Damaged Brain!
It's been done... but, hey... AAAAAAAAH? Hey!
(03/24/2008)
Well, that's enough Cannibal Exploitation, let's get back to the Video Nasties (those of you in the know... be patient).
Our last Video Nasty was Rosso Sangue (you may know it as either Zombie 6 or Absurd). Rosso Sangue literally translates from the Italian to "Red Blood", which gives us a perfect bridge into our next VIDEO NASTY streak, the SLASHER streak, starting with:
Blood Feast, the absolute oldest film on the List.
It also links well with our last streak because... well, as the title suggests, it's got its fair share of cannibalism.
And for those of you celebrating Easter today (like I am)... Blood Feast is so shockingly technicolor, you might just be fooled into thinking you're dying eggs!
So enjoy (if you can) Blood Feast, the first in our "Slasher Streak" series, helping to close out WorldsGreatestCritic.com's final weeks of the Winter of Weird 2008 and bring about the final fall of the video nasties.
(03/23/2008)
I guess we can call this the "holocaust" mini-streak within our The Cannibal Exploitation streak during WorldsGreatestCritic.com's final weeks of the Winter of Weird 2008!
Just as with Jungle Holocaust before it, Zombi Holocaust was so close to being banned in the UK as a Video Nasty, it could practically taste it. But... it escaped unscathed.
I theorize that this is, in part, due to the fact that the censors got bored watching it and gave it a defacto pass, turning it off half way through. That's too bad, as our lead's incredible clad-only-in-paint scenes only grace the final act! Dude. So hot.
Those of you nostalgic for Zombi 2 can likewise be comforted by this film, as Zombi Holocaust is primarily the same damned thing!
(03/23/2008)
The Cannibal Exploitation streak continues now as we seek to close out WorldsGreatestCritic.com's Winter of Weird 2008!
And you true-fans know just what's next, right? After all, there is only one Cannibal Exploitation Flick left on the list of Video Nasties that I haven't reviewed yet! I'll give you a hint... It's directed by a man named Deodato...
If you guessed Cannibal Holocaust, then you are absolutely... WRONG!
In fact, this next film isn't even a Video Nasty.Instead, let's take a look at the film that came so close to being a Video Nasty that tons of people have assumed it was one... Folks, come and listen to my story 'bout Ultimo Mondo Cannibale, perhaps better known by its international English title Last Cannibal World, or its US Cash-In title: Jungle Holocaust. Three words describing why you SHOULD watch this:
Me... Me... Lai!
(03/22/2008)
Our 2008 Winter of Weird Cannibal Exploitation streak continues now with the next chapter in our final fall of the Video Nasties!
This one actually came out the same week as Cannibal Apocalypse, which suggests a certain same-ness at the Box Office during the August of 1980.
Enjoy Antropophagus (AKA: Anthropophagous: The Beast) if you can. But be wary... this isn't the Hello Kitty Islands of Adventure theme!
(03/20/2008)
The Cannibal Exploitation streak of the 2008 Winter of Weird's "Final Fall of the Video Nasties" continues now with the very strange entry onto the list and into the genre known as Cannibal Apocalypse, Apocalypse Domani, Invasion of the Fleshhunters and a whole fuckload of other names. In fact, it is, by my estimation, the most renamed flick on the whole list of Nasties.
Pick a name, any name, don't show me what it is!
Seriously, please don't. I'm burned out, people, burned out!
(03/19/2008)
Boy am I glad I'm finally done with all those horrible NazisploitationVideo Nasties so that I can finally get back to reviewing all those horrible Cannibal ExploitationVideo Nasties!
And now that I'm finally done with that insane "Animal Crap" streak, I can really make good on that promise... starting now...
So, just as our Nazisploitation Streak linked directly into the Animal Crap streak (from La Bestia In Calore to La Maldición de la bestia), the final flick in the Animal Crap streak, Night of the Bloody Apes links directly into the first flick of our Cannibal streak:
BLOODEATERS!
Not just because they have "Blood" in the title either... but also because they're both terrible. This one was released (and banned) in the UK as "Forest of Fear", which doesn't quite as immediatly scream "TURKEY!" as loud as "Bloodeaters" does, but that doesn't help the content much. Gotta love this, man. Stoned Hippie Zombies in a movie written and directed by a high-priced Lawyer.
Man.
(03/18/2008)
I haven't forgotten that we've got precious little time left to get through the remaining Video Nasties before the 2008 Winter of Weird comes to its inevitable close. So, let us now return to the garbage as our Animal Crap Streak both continues and concludes with Night of the Bloody Apes That's right, folks, first it was Night of the Howling Beast, then Night of the Demon and now, the inevitable (though regretable) Night of the Bloody Apes. A terrible (yet terribly funny) movie, saved by some really lovely women!
(03/15/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: It's beginning to look a lot like SPRING... but the 2008 Winter of Weird is still in Full Swing! Now, back to the Independent Films... Like The Final Patient, a well done picture with good ideas and a very good lead, but not quite enough budget to get it over the finish line. Still... considering all... I rather dig it.
Everyone knows it's BUTTERScotch.
(03/15/2008)
Let's take a hard-earned and much needed break from this season with the well-oiled machine known as There Will Be Blood. You had to be aware that there would be a review! (03/13/2008)
I also indicated that I was done with those damned Nazisploitation flicks... but as a stop-gap measure, I'm throwing in a couple of movies I hate to spice us all up as we roll through the final month of the 2008 Winter of Weird.
Here's a weird, morally reprehensible and devoid-of-grace piece of horse shit called Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks the first, and probably worst sequel to the joyless Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS.
Although it's not really Nazisploitation this time, it's more of the same until they try to top themselves, creating a nauseating blend of cheese, corn and crap. Don't bother with this one. I'm watching bad movies so you don't have to.
(03/07/2008)
Like I said, the rest of the Video Nasties are being burned off in streaks as we finish off the 2008 Winter of Weird!
From La Bestia In Calore to La Maldición de la bestia, which had many alternate titles including Night of the Howling Beast and kicked off our ANIMAL CRAP streak.
So, let's progress down the regrettable and ill-advised path of continuing the Animal Crap streak by moving from Night of the Howling Beast straight into
Night of the Demon!
Yes... Night of the Demon, which is sure to cause a few involuntary reactions and/ or reflexes. If you're still thinking "Hey, I'll watch it anyway!", let me advise you of this one more thing... It's yet another low budget BIGFOOT movie. This one with quite a twist in the look of our leading monst-
Well, just read it, you'll see what I mean!
(03/02/2008)
When discussing what the perfect Guy Pearce movie would be to feature in the 2008 Winter of Weird, the obvious choice was Memento.
But as you're well aware, "Obvious" isn't something I often do.
So, please sit down for the 1999 FEAST known as RAVENOUS... Actually, now that I think about it... Animal Crap... Cannibal Crap? That is kind of obvious, isn't it? Well, read it anyway... and don't forget that
"As your body grows bigger, your mind grows flowers, it's great to learn 'Cause KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!"
Mom, Mom, Mom... Remember how you freaked out at the sight of the poster for The Funhouse? Well, trust me... don't read this review because... damn!
The rest of you, get ready for Kneumsi's take on RAVENOUS...
(02/28/2008)
Last night my daughter and I trekked to the Nuart Theatre in Los Angeles for one of those rare movies that I simply refuse to miss! Give up? George A. Romero's Diary of the Dead, now in theatrical release!
Plus Romero himself was there to introduce the film in a rare appearance with a promised Q&A session to follow.
I had started the whole story about meeting the guy in person... which didn't happen, of course. He came, we applauded (on our feet, of course), he introduced the film and left faster than a Zombie in a Snyder flick! So... that's the story. But if it's any consolation, here are some lovely photos (though, none of him here)... plus, my glowing review is extra long, baby! So... brew coffee!
Clockwise from left:
The Nuart Marquee featuring one killer Flick!
Luckily we got there early... RIGHT AFTER CHURCH!
My daughter, Alex, prepping for the unknown.
The BLAST promising Uncle George's appearance in person!
(02/18/2008)
More Weirdness? Okay!
A band called "PHOENIX CLUB" once opened for the Star Doors... that was before they became "A FIRE INSIDE SIMPLE MINDS", of course. Basically what this means is that by combining AFI's "Days of the Phoenix" with just a tad of "Don't You Forget About Me" and "Helter Skelter" I've now become the MILLIONTH disaffected '80s kid to upload a Breakfast Club Video (with apologies to John Hughes).
(02/18/2008)
What do you get when you mix Anakin Skywalker with Henry the Serial Killer, Mace Windu, Billy Elliot and the naked lady from Unfaithful?
Apparently you get the Sci-Fi, Action Thriller Jumper! Put your Jumper on and check it out, kids! (02/17/2008)
INDIE INTERLUDE: Thank heavens for WEIRD INDIES... like this one.
This episode from a half-hour horror/ mystery/ sci-fi anthology is no throwback to Tales from the Crypt... No, it's a throwback all the way to The Twilight Zone. With that in mind it's a great short film in its own right that manages to be both classically inspired and post-modern at the same time. A big 2008 Winter of WeirdHUZZAH! goes out to The Realm of Never: Moratorium! (02/15/2008)
Weird Surprises certainly qualify for the 2008 Winter of Weird and the success of a certain fake documentary from the late 1990s certainly is a surprise.
The movie itself? 100% Weird. Though, sadly, not 100% Entertaining. And, while it's true that The Blair Witch Project is a variation on something that has already been done, pretty much all that needs to be said about The Blair Witch Project has already been said, so... both the film and my review were unnecessary. (02/12/2008)
You want weird? Well check out my latest VIDEO EDIT.
I'm barely in it, but you might recognize this classic band from a long time ago.
They're called... the Star Doors and here they are with their biggest hit "Set the Night on Fire"!
I listen for your Creme Tangerine
I've just seen a face and Montelimat I can't forget The time Footsteps or place where we just met Coming up the drive
She's not a girl who misses much...She's just the girl for me and a Ginger Sling with a Pineapple Heart I want all the world to see we've met I listen for your footsteps
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM oh, yeah!
But they don't arrive
She's well acquanted with the Coffee Dessert touch of the velvet hand yes Like a lizard you know waiting on your knock on a window pane!
The man in the crowd with the multicolored mirror on his dear hobnail boots on my old front door! Had it been another day It's Good News! I don't hear it! I might have looked the other way
does it mean you don't love me anymore?
I hear the clock Lying with his eyes while his hands are a-tickin' busy working overtime on the mantle shelf!BEFSee the hands a-movin'OREand I'd have never been aware, But I'm by myself! but you'll haveYOU A soap impression of his wife to have them all pulled out after the which he ate I wonder where you SAVOY TRUFFLE are tonight and why I'm by myself!ASK Cool Cherry CreamTO ADDand nice apple tart donated to the national trust! MI don't see you,EBut as it is, I'll dream of her tonight:I feel your taste every time we're apart! does it mean you don't love me anymore?
Coconut Fudge I'm sorry that really blows I doubted you!
If you're going to Lai-down dai-dai-lai-de-dai!attemptI need a Fix the BLUES 'cause I'm goin' down Falling!to useBut you'll have my profile to have to linethem all pulled out your pockets withYes I am Falling down to the bits that I left uptown someAnd she keeps calling After the Savoy Truffle"ComI was SO unfair...meyou might not feel it now ntI need a fix 'cause I'm goin' down but when the pain cuts through you're going to know and how !"that'sThe Sweat is going to fill Me back again!actually a TELEMOTHER SUPERIOR JUMPED THE GUN!MARKETING AD I have never knownfor some BULLSHIT SPAM CRAPYou were in a Car Crash,, then you deserve to die. The likes of MOTHER SUPERIOR JUMPED THIS! THE GUN!Save yourself I've been alonetheAnd you lost your head troubleand I have missed your hair! When it becomes too much MOTHER SUPERIOR JUMPED Things and kept THE GUN out! and don't fucking ask to "friend" me.MOTHER SUPERIOR JUMPED THE GUN!You said that you would be late.You're going to shout aloud! . instead, go light yourAbout an Hour or Two Of sight!!self on fire you piece of piss whore MOTHER SUPERIOR you know that what you eat JUMPED you are THE GUN!cockBut other girls were never quite like this!slBut what is sweet now turns so sour obBut that's all right I'm waiting We all know MOTHER SUPERIOR JUMPED THE GUN here! Waste of (my)MMM-MMM-MMM-Lai-de-dai!SPACEO-Bla-Di-Bla-Da . MOTHER SUPERIOR JUMPED THE GUN! But can you show me where you are?
Falling!DIE... Yes I am Falling!DIE... DIEAnd she keeps calling!!MOTHER SUPERIOR JUMPED THE GUN Just Waiting to hear from Me back again!!
YouHappiness is You! a warm gun!r "request"Don't pass me by! (Bang, bang,Creme Tangerine shoot shoot!)will be reportI've just seen a face!ed as spamDon't make me cry! I can't forget Happiness is a warm gun, yes it And montelimat is, you will be the time or place where we just met!immediately (Bang, bang, shoot shoot a Ginger Sling!)deletedDon't make me blue!, andShe's just the girl for me and When I hold you In my ARMS...I will pay And I want the local covenwith to add you toAll the world a Pineapple Heart ! 'Cause you know, Coffee Dessert Darlin', yes, you know it's good news! their "TOAnd I feel My Finger on YOUR TRIGGER, BE SACRIFICED:" list.To See I love only you! We've Met!You never know it hurt me so!FuckBut I know nobody can do me NO HARMyou very muchBecause, You'll have Happiness to have them all is a warm gun mama I hate to see you Pulled Out!!
go after Happiness! is a warm gun, yes it is!-J Don't pass me byCHappiness! is a warm, yes it is... gun!M3Don't Doo-Ah, don't make me cry! you Doo know that happiness Doo-Lai is the Savoy Truffle -ade warm gun! (It's a warm gun, YEAH-Dai!!)
Inglourious Basterds
rolls around, we get our first solid look at the world after Judgement Day along with the Heroic JOHN CONNOR and the new Warrior named MARCUS WRIGHT right along side a young KYLE REESE... but all that is filtered through a Lens of a guy who makes his movies look more like commercials for movies.
, the prequel to 
